Emergency Room Encounter
by Pandora's Box Is Heavy
Summary: A night spent in the ER with an injured football player across the hall. Their chemistry is instant and it all begins with a raccoon/cat. 175 "chapter" drabble. 5 updates a day.
1. BS - is an idiot

**Here we go, Y'all!**

**Thank you so much Sally (Alice's White Rabbit) you rock my socks off**

**canadiantwilight thank you for the last minute banner and dealing with all of my "demands" :D**

**I am still looking for a manip banner**

**POV changes every 5 chapters so it's guaranteed that I'll update 5 times a day**

**1**

**Bella Swan/is an idiot**

"Let me get this straight. You tried to jump a fence because you thought that a cat was a raccoon?"

The nurse has probably seen it all, but this perplexes her for some reason.

I nod my head and point to the deep gash in my calf.

This baby is going to hurt something fierce in the morning.

"I think we should focus on fixing the hole in my leg before I bleed to death and not on how I got it."

Her lips form a thin line as she not so gently wraps the blood pressure cuff around my arm.

Looks like my evening visit to the emergency room is going to be interesting in the most painful of ways.

It wouldn't be the first time my mouth has gotten me in trouble.

I can damn sure promise you that it's not going to be the last.


	2. BS - so flippin thirsty

**2**

**Bella Swan/so flippin' thirsty**

I'm parched, and my oh so friendly nurse hasn't come around nor has she answered my calls no matter how many times I push the button on the remote.

So unethical.

Pretty sure there's something about it in the HIPAA Law.

I'm glad I'm not dying or anything.

Nope, I'm just really thirsty.

I flip through TV channels and contemplate how much this visit is going to cost me.

Each room is outfitted with a television and a premium cable package that's better than the one I have at home but rarely use.

I'm in it for the DVR. I hate commercials.

Besides, it saves me fifteen bucks on my internet, and the web comes before food sometimes.

I kid. Sort of.

Here's hoping my insurance covers idiocy.


	3. BS - one word impatient

**3**

**Bella Swan/one word ... impatient**

I'm all about instant gratification.

I want to be thanked before I've held open the door for a stranger.

I can't keep a present for a friend or family member a secret to save my life.

Internet shopping is a nightmare. At least, for me it is.

I've broken more than my fair share of computer mouses with my constant need to refresh my browser for the updated status of an expected package.

If it's mine, I want it like yesterday.

So forgive me if I'm getting a little pissed that no one has come to stitch me up and send me on my way.

I get that there are people in this building far worse off than I am but for fuck's sake.


	4. BS - has a bitch for a nurse

**4**

**Bella Swan/girl with a bitch of a nurse**

"Miss Swan, I can't give you anything for the pain, so I have to ask you to stop pressing your call button."

"Whoa, lady. I'm not a druggie here looking for a fix. I just want a cup of water and for someone to come sew up this cut on my freaking leg. In what order, I don't care."

She rolls her eyes.

I ask for her charge nurse.

She informs me that she is, in fact, the charge nurse.

Fuck me.

I must have said that out loud.

"I won't tolerate hostile behavior on my floor. Watch your mouth, stop hitting the button, and I'll send a tech in with something to drink."

Her eyes tell me that she's watching me.

My eyes tell her to hop to it.


	5. BS - and the guy across the hall

**5**

**Bella Swan/and the guy across the hall**

I'm happily chugging water when they bring him in.

A group of people gathered around and ushered in a tall, from the looks of it, football player, cradling his hand to his chest.

The sound of his cleats against the linoleum echoes through the hall.

A baby starts crying at the end of the wing.

His head turns my way, and his face is pain-filled, but damn, if that boy ain't hot as fuck.

I've never been interested in jocks but he's so pretty; I might have to change my mind.

His hair is a mix between red and brown, his eyes a vibrant green, and his mouth ...

Hot damn.

It forms a crooked smile as he's led into the room directly across from mine.


	6. EC - dude with a busted hand

**6**

**Edward Cullen/dude with a busted hand**

I don't even know how it happened.

One minute, I'm throwing the ball straight for a touchdown.

The next, I have five players from the opposing team on top of me, and my hand is stuck inside the faceguard of some guy's helmet.

I try to tell them not to move, but we're all grunting and groaning.

The owner of the helmet pulls away, and I can't hear it but I can feel the bones in my hand and fingers snap and pop. I'm going to vomit on the field.

When the smoke clears, I'm lying on the field, writhing in pain while my coach freaks the fuck out.

I hold up my arm and see the damage right before my eyes roll into the back of my head.

That shit's going to leave a mark.


	7. EC - who might me fucked

**7**

**Edward Cullen/who might be fucked**

My coach, Dad, Mom, and my best friend carry me through the emergency room halls.

I came to as we pulled into the hospital parking lot, but I've still got tentacles for legs.

The intake nurse took one look at my hand, wrapped a bracelet around my good arm, and sent me straight to a room.

Emmett is laughing his stupid fucking head off while my dad and Coach Webber discuss my future.

"It doesn't look good," Dad says sadly.

Mom cries.

"We'll wait for the x-rays, Carl. It probably looks worse than it is," Coach states confidently.

No one is speaking directly to me.

I'm still dazed from my fainting spell, so my head lols to the side.

She's sitting on a gurney with her leg wrapped up in gauze.

Our eyes meet, and shit, she's pretty.

All big, chocolate brown eyes and long curly hair that matches.

Despite the pain, I give her a smile, which she shyly returns before I'm pushed inside the room across the hall from her.


	8. EC - has never had narcotics

**8**

**Edward Cullen/has never had narcotics**

The coaches and officials do random drug screenings so I haven't dabbled in recreational drugs since high school.

Morphine is nothing like the skunk weed Newton used to grow behind his mom's she-shed.

The second they set me up with an IV the doctor popped in and told the nurse to hit me with the good stuff before X-rays.

My entire body is numb, including my giant, Mickey Mouse, glove-sized hand.

My nose itches, but I have no control over my motor function, so I ask my mom to scratch it.

Morphine is my new favorite thing. The girl across the hall's smile comes in at a close second.

Dad and Coach are off in the corner, talking possible surgery and me being out for the rest of the season.

In a sea of drug-induced haze, I want to remind them that I'm don't play with the goal of going pro.

It was a surprise to me when I got offered the position, so I figured what the hell and signed my name on the dotted line.


	9. EC - over all the dramatics

**9**

**Edward Cullen/over all the dramatics**

"I don't need a fucking wheelchair. I can walk," I argue.

Mom tells me to stop cussing because there are children in the wing.

She's still crying.

The transport chick just huffs and tells me to get in the chair so I can get my hand X-rayed.

_I hate people._

It's not until I stand up that I realize morphine and walking don't mix.

I fall into the chair, and Dad helps me put my legs in the footrests.

I want to go past her room again, but transport makes a left instead of a right.

"No, wait a minute. I wanna see her pretty brown eyes again."

Instead of being turned around, I'm pushed into a small room with a fancy machine.

They move my balloon hand into a bunch of positions and take pictures.

The tech offers me a sad smile when they're finished.

Yeah, I'm fucked.


	10. EC - cool ass career

**10**

**Edward Cullen/cool ass career**

Emmett sits on the edge of my gurney.

"You gonna be okay if this is the end of your career?"

I nod my head.

At least, I think I do.

"Yeah, Imma be fine. Second to the last game of the season, and we graduate in May."

We were never bowl worthy anyway.

I'm glad I played it safe and decided to get my bachelor's degree. I've already been offered a job, and after I finish school, I'll be an ethical hacker. Breaking into security systems and finding bugs sounds pretty damn awesome. At least, I think so.

I'm sure I can manage without a fully functional dominant hand.

I frown and hold up my right hand, the one that isn't obviously beyond broken.

"Fuck me." I groan.

"Edward Anthony!" Mom gasps.

"But, Mom ..."


	11. BS - easily amused, apparently

**11**

**Bella Swan/easily amused, apparently**

I don't know what takes longer.

Getting my leg stitched up or waiting for our favorite nurse to return with my discharge papers.

Work is going to suck tomorrow, well, today.

I want whatever the hot football player across the hall is on.

He's been giggling since they brought him back to his room.

Suddenly, he goes silent.

And then not so silent.

"Fuck me!"

I have to clamp my hands over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

"Edward Anthony!" That voice has to belong to the older woman who was part of his arriving posse.

"But, Mom. Do you know how long this could take to heal? There's no way I can jack off properly with my right hand! It will feel like a stranger is touching me."

Ahem, this stranger would love to be touching you.

I could help him out while he gets better.

Just sayin'.


	12. BS - probably going to hell

**12**

**Bella Swan/probably going to hell**

A deep voice starts guffawing and trying to talk at the same time.

"Emmett, please don't encourage him," the woman chides.

"Sorry, Esme."

He doesn't sound one bit apologetic.

"Edward, I'm not going to remind you again. There are children here, so you better watch your mouth."

I'm guessing it's Edward who groans.

"You wouldn't understand what it's like, Ma. Shit, my sex life just became nonexistent."

"Edward," Esme warns.

"I'm sorry."

He might be drugged, but I believe him.

With a face like that, I'd believe him if he told me that unicorns exist.

"You could always get one of those sex toys that simulate a pu-ow. Esme! Stop hitting me."

"The two of you are grown men, and you're acting like children," she says. "At least, Edward has an excuse. What's yours?"

"I'm like a lost boy," Emmett says in a serious tone. "I never want to grow up."

It's settled.

Emmett and I must become best friends.


	13. Chapter 13BS - crush on a stranger

**13**

**Bella Swan/might have a crush on a stranger**

I see my nurse walk past, and I hold my breath.

The group across the hall is so amusing that now I want to stay.

The charge nurse passes by, and two men exit Edward's room wearing frowns.

"It's bad. I can feel it," the older, blond version of Edward says.

"You have to think more positively, Carl," the guy in coach's gear tells him.

"Do you think he did this on purpose? Maybe we put too much pressure on him to go pro?"

"I CAN STILL HEAR YOU, AND I DIDN'T BREAK MY HAND INTO A MILLION PIECES TO TELL YOU SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU FOR FOUR YEARS!" Edward yells.

Esme tries to shush him, but he isn't finished.

"Why am I the only one concerned about the fact that I can't masturbate anymore?"

I can't fight it anymore.

I laugh so loud and so hard I almost fall off the gurney.

Esme, I'm assuming, pokes her head out the door and glares.

Whoops.


	14. BS - totally pissed off Esme

**14**

**Bella Swan/has totally pissed off Esme**

The men enter the room and shut the door.

I frown.

The source of my entertainment has been cut off.

Shit.

I can hear a bunch of muffled voices arguing before the door is thrown back open.

Esme, Carl, and the coach come out.

She looks me right in the eye, and I feel like my mom just middle named me.

"Come on, Es. Let's grab some coffee while everyone calms down," Carl says, wrapping his arm around her.

"Yeah, the doctor should be back soon with the films," mystery coach adds.

With one last look my way, Esme follows the two down the hall.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

That woman is terrifying.

"Go see if she's still here," Edward says.

My curiosity is peaked.

"No, dude. That's creepy."

"Do it or I'll tell Rosalie about your birthday last year."

"Bro code, fucker."

"Blackmail, fucker. Go."

"Fine."


	15. BS - just met her new BFF

**15**

**Bella Swan/just met her new BFF**

A huge guy, who can only be Emmett, pokes his head into my room and then shuffles back across the hall.

"Hot curvy chick with a fucked-up leg?"

_Thanks for the ego boost, you big lug._

"Yup. Tell her I think she's smokin' hot."

Emmett chuckles.

"Boy, you're going to regret this tomorrow."

With a goofy grin, Emmett knocks on my open door, and I gesture for him to enter.

"I've been told to tell you that you are 'smokin' hot'."

"I'm apparently the hot curvy chick with a fucked-up leg too, huh?" I smirk.

He doesn't apologize or anything.

This guy is totally the boy version of me.

I think I love him in a completely platonic way.

Especially when he sits at my feet like he's known me for years.

"My friend is a little stoned on morphine right now, so bare with him, please."

I tap my chin.

"Fine. You can tell him that I think he's pretty good looking."


	16. EC - owes Emmett a drink

**16**

**Edward Cullen/owes Emmett a drink**

If he weren't an athlete, Emmett would be winded with the amount of time he spends going back and forth between our rooms.

"Tell her I like her eyes."

"Tell him his eyes are incredible."

"Tell her I like her voice."

"Let him know his voice isn't that bad either."

"Ask her if she has a boyfriend."

"Inform him that I do not, and I'm going to guess he isn't dating anyone after the tantrum over Mary Palmer." She giggles.

I get defensive.

"Tell her I'm single as fuck, and I don't know anyone named Mary Palmer."

Emmett chuckles and explains the term.

"Oh. Yeah. Just yeah."

He disappears and relays the message while I feel like a fucking idiot.

"How old is he?"

"Twenty-two ... wait, how old are you?" Emmett asks.

"I'm twenty-four."

Emmett bursts into my room.

"Older woman ... hot." He wags his eyebrows.

My best friend, ladies and gentlemen.


	17. EC - thinks Bella is the Bee's knees

**17**

**Edward Cullen/thinks Bella is the bee's knees**

Bella.

That's her name.

Beautiful Swan.

"That is the most cliché pick-up line I've ever heard. I have literally heard it a zillion times. I know he's stoned but don't come back until he comes up with something more original."

Emmett comes into the room and shakes his head.

"My brain is fried. I can't repeat all of that."

"I heard her. Gimme a second to think."

I hold up one blurry finger.

"Fuck, look at my hand, Em."

He laughs, and I hear her laugh.

It's tinkling and pretty.

"Hey, Emmett," she calls from across the hall.

He gives a heavy sigh, but he's smiling as he leaves my room.

"You two know that you can hear each other, right?" he asks.

"Yeah, but I would miss your face so much. I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Before we go any further, I have to ask. Is this a here or an away game for you two?"


	18. EC - might piss himself

**18**

**Edward Cullen/might piss himself**

"We're local," Emmett replies. "By further you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

She must do something funny because Emmett starts laughing.

"Do you think there's a chance we could be related?" he asks.

"I'm from Phoenix, but according to my mom, Dad was a pretty big manwhore back in his day. It's possible."

The morphine is starting to wear off.

"Hey, you mind giving me my best friend back?" I call.

"Sure ... you've got five minutes," Bella replies.

"Sup, broseph?"

"I have to go to the bathroom," I whisper and point to the IV bag I'm hooked up to. "I can't go anywhere hooked up to this."

"Dude, I love you and all. You're my best friend, but there is no way in hell I am holding a bedpan for you to piss in."

I sigh.

"I'm not going to help you pull your pants down either. Tell Rose about my birthday. I don't care."

There's shuffling and a red-faced Bella pokes her head into my room.

"I can help with that."


	19. EC - thinks Emmett might have a sister

**19**

**Edward Cullen/thinks Emmett might have a sister**

Emmett coughs uncomfortably and offers to leave the room.

"I mean I can help with the IV," Bella explains, glaring at the perverted one.

"Are you in the medical field?"

"No. Technically, I work in retail, but I'm familiar with the situation."

"You were on the bottom of a dog pile and got your hand stuck in some dick's facemask?"

She laughs.

"No. This isn't my first rodeo. I'm sort of clumsy, well, a lot clumsy. That's not important. What's important is that I know how to unhook an IV. The nurse on this wing is bananas."

Am I really about to let someone who works in retail do something a medical professional should probably do?

My bladder is about to burst.

Fuck it.

"All right. Do me."

Bella raises a brow.

"Not like that." I hold out my arm.

She grabs a pair of gloves and snaps them on with a wicked grin.

"Okay, bend over."

Emmett sprays the entire room with the Gatorade he was chugging.

"We're totally doing one of those mail-in DNA tests."


	20. EC - will not pop a boner

**20**

**Edward Cullen/will not pop a boner**

In all seriousness, Bella does know what she's doing.

After my whole fainting spell, you can probably guess I'm squeamish, so I don't watch her do her thing.

"You're good. Emmett, go watch the door for Nurse Ratched."

"What do I do if I see her?" he asks because he's an idiot.

"Stall her."

Emmett walks to the door and peeks around the corner.

Bella helps me up and over to the small bathroom in my room.

"You lucked out. My room barely came with tongue depressors," she tells me. "I'll leave you to it."

"Uh ..."

I can't get my pants open without help.

"Dude, we haven't exchanged numbers, and you want me to help you get naked?"

I give her my best smile.

"Be honest. Have you been hit on like this? Original?"

"You're an idiot." She rolls her eyes and bends over.

Her face is right there.

Oh my shit.

Her hands are working my belt when my parents and Coach Webber return.

_Where the fuck is Emmett?_

"Edward Anthony!" Mom gasps when she sees what's going on.


	21. BS - a deer caught in headlights

**21**

**Bella Swan/a deer caught in headlights**

I think I felt Esme coming.

I swear the air in the room got colder right before she showed up at the bathroom door.

She gasps.

From behind, it probably looks like I'm giving her son a hummer in a hospital.

I stand up too fast and knock the top of my head into Edward's chin rather painfully.

"Fuck," we both yell.

I get lightheaded and stumble because I lost a lot of blood when I got stuck on that fence.

And I got off work late so I skipped dinner.

Edward tries to catch me with one arm but I fall into Esme and almost knock her down instead.

"What is going on in here?" she demands after I right myself.

"I had to pee, and Bella came to help me."

"I'm sure." She eyes me, probably critiquing the torn jeans and worn band T-shirt I'm wearing.

It's casual Friday, and I took advantage. Sue me.

"He couldn't get his pants open. It was completely innocent," I explain, holding my hands up.

She doesn't believe me.

This woman.


	22. BS - about to get the boot

**22**

**Bella Swan/about to get the boot**

"I think it's time you went back to your room ... Bella," Esme says. "My husband can help Edward."

I shrug and look over my shoulder.

He's is totally checking out my ass.

He looks up apologetically.

"I guess we'll go back to using Emmett as a messenger. Peace."

I throw up two fingers, step around Esme, and limp back to my room.

Apparently, Edward's call button works because Nurse Ratched comes flying down the hall and into his room.

"That girl needs to be removed from the premises or move her to another room," Esme demands.

_Fuck_.

Nursey Nurse assures her that everything will be taken care of and magically appears with my discharge papers a few minutes later.

I sign and initial where she tells me to, and I try to remain silent when she tears the clipboard out of my hands.

I try.

I do.

And I fail.

"You should seriously look into a different profession, lady, because you are the bitchiest bitch that ever did bitch."

She must have foreseen it because a security guard shows up seconds later.


	23. BS - better get to steppin'

**23**

**Bella Swan/better get to steppin'**

I didn't think this through.

When I tried to escape the raccoon/cat, I landed in some lady's yard.

She was kind and offered to drop me off at the ER, but now it's three in the morning.

Uber's scare me, and they've taken over the city.

Looks like I'm limping home.

According to Maps, I won't make it home by foot until after six, and that's not taking my injury into consideration.

I might as well just walk back to work and take the heat for wearing the same clothes two days in a row.

_Maybe Alice will let me wear scrubs for the day._

I can take a whore's bath in the employee bathroom.

This could totally work.

Black's Garage better call to let me know they've fixed my car soon, or I'm going to blow a gasket ... like my car did.

I'm limping down the sidewalk when a car pulls up.

"Hey, baby, how much?"

I flip the driver off before I recognize the voice.

"Emmett! I thought I'd never see you again."


	24. BS - one grateful bitch

**24**

**Bella Swan/one grateful bitch**

"Awe, I missed you too. But seriously though, how much?"

I roll my eyes.

"Didn't you say you were engaged? What would Rosalie say if she knew you were picking up hookers?"

"Stop busting my balls and get in the car already." He leans over the console and pops open the door.

My dad would kill me if he found out I got in a car with someone I barely know, but I'm desperate.

"Hurry it up. Esme will eventually realize I ganked her keys."

"Dude, if we get pulled over and arrested for theft, I will kill you." I put my seatbelt on and make sure I'm not bleeding through my bandages.

The last thing I need is Esme showing up and berating me for getting blood on her pristine upholstery.

"She won't call the cops. At least, I don't think she will," he assures me.

It's not very convincing, but I'm already in the car and ... we're headed in the wrong direction.

I correct him, and he pulls an illegal U-turn without killing the both of us.

_Jesus take the wheel._


	25. BS - food first, sleep second

**25**

**Bella Swan/food first, sleep second**

"I didn't eat before the game. You hungry?" Emmett asks, flipping through radio stations and swerving all over the road.

_I'm going to die._

"Yeah. I could eat."

I'm holding onto the seat so tightly I think my nails might leave indents in the leather.

This dude should not have a driver's license.

Emmett decides he can't live without a Big Mac and jerks the car into the first McDonald's drive-thru he sees.

We're stuffing our faces and making inappropriate jokes about special sauce when his phone rings.

"Lo?" he answers with a mouth full of food.

_Gross._

"Yeah, I found her. I ran around the parking lot screaming 'Bella' for five minutes though. It was very Rocky-like, if you ask me."

He steals a handful of my fries.

"I'm giving her a ride home after our date."

"Yeah, I took her to McDonald's, and Bella bought me a number one. She even let me upgrade to a large. She's a keeper."


	26. EC - might kill his best friend

**26**

**Edward Cullen/might kill his best friend**

"Can you be serious for a second?"

There's radio silence for a moment.

"_Yup. Apparently, I can. Shouldn't you be getting more morphine soon? Why are you calling me?"_

Mom is mad that I'm using my phone.

She says I need to focus on my hand.

I tell her that it's still going to be here, broken and throbbing, after my phone call.

"I just wanted to make sure you found her."

The nurse who apparently hates Bella's guts enters the room holding a syringe.

"I'm about to get high as fuck—sorry, Ma. I'm about to get my prescribed pain management medication. Did you give Bella my phone number?"

Mom huffs.

Nurse ... Mallory, I think, is rolling her eyes.

Bella is great, in my opinion.

"_Not yet. Right now, I'm trying to talk her into joining Rose and me for some polygamy. We're talking Big Love-style."_

"Mom, Emmett stole your car."

"_Fuck you, nark."_

Mom threatens Emmett with bodily harm.

"Give her my number," I slur as the morphine enters my system.


	27. EC - Owwwww

**27**

**Edward Cullen/Owwwww**

I thought my hand hurt when I was rolling around the field right after it happened.

I was not prepared for post-surgery pain.

I have a Terminator hand now.

I'll never be able to jack off with my lefty ever again.

That's not the most important thing, but I am a guy.

The probability of being able to pick a coin up off a flat surface is highly unlikely.

My handwriting is going to leave something to be desired, not that it was great before.

But in all seriousness, there are a bunch of pins and things holding my hand together. I'll get a cast when they remove the eleventy billion stitches.

I'm in the hospital for two days before they cut off my morphine drip and send me packing with a prescription that does nothing to dull the ache.

Some good did come out of my broken as fuck hand though.

Bella and I talk constantly, even when we shouldn't.

Like when she's at work.


	28. EC - can't stop smiling

**28**

**Edward Cullen/can't stop smiling**

_**These people have been trying to decide on a pair of glasses for their baby ... we have three styles. Shoot me.**_

I smile and fumble through answering her because I have to learn how to do things with my right hand.

**Style is everything when it comes to raising a kid, Bella. It's a well known fact. **

_**You're supposed to be on my side. That's not how this works.**_

**How what works? What exactly is "this"?**

It takes her a while to reply.

_**Fucking finally, the pickiest people in the world are gone! "This" means I was going to offer to come over to your place and cook you dinner, but you've proven your allegiance is elsewhere, so enjoy your Hot Pocket.**_

**But I haven't had a home-cooked meal in ages.**

I lie.

Mom has been over every other night to make sure I'm eating something besides take-out.

_**Liar. Shoot me your address, and I'll be there around seven.**_


	29. EC - becomes that guy

**29**

**Edward Cullen/becomes "that" guy**

I haven't physically seen Bella since the hospital, so I'm pretty speechless when she shows up at my apartment with a bunch of shopping bags and a dress way too fucking short.

It's hot as fuck, and she's wearing leggings underneath because of the weather but—

"Get in here."

I pull her inside and slam the door shut, locking it for good measure.

"What? Do you live in a dangerous neighborhood or something? Should I be worried about my car because I just got it out of the shop."

"What in the hell are you wearing?"

She drops the bags on the counter and turns to me.

"You're not that type of guy, are you?"

"What do you mean?"

Her face is angry.

She's even hotter when she's mad.

I'm powerless.

"I mean that I'm a grown ass woman, and I can wear whatever the fuck I want."

"Of course, you can ... I just." I run my good hand through my hair.

Bella gestures for me to continue.

"I'm not that kind of guy, Bella. You bring out the caveman in me. I'm sorry."


	30. EC - really likes this girl

**30**

**Edward Cullen/really likes this girl**

I eat way too much food.

It's all Bella's fault.

She should definitely go into culinary arts instead of selling eyeglasses for her optometrist friend.

I tell her so, and she rolls her eyes.

"Alice offers a great benefits package, and the hours are awesome. Besides, I tend to run my mouth, so I'd probably get stabbed by a sous chef or a disgruntled waitress or something."

I can't do the dishes, so I tell Bella just to leave them in the sink.

My housekeeper will be by tomorrow, and she'll take care of everything.

We sit on the couch and talk like we haven't been in constant communication since Emmett caved and gave her my number.

He tried to get her to leave me hanging for a couple of days since I told my mom about the car thing, but Bella doesn't like being told what to do.

Obviously.

"Sooo," she says, pretending to yawn and throwing her arm around my shoulders. "You come here often?"


	31. BS - changes her opinion about jocks

**31**

**Bella Swan/changes her opinion about jocks**

It takes great effort.

To not just throw a leg over Edward's and straddle him.

I could pull down his sweats, rid myself of my tights, and push my panties to the side.

It would be so easy.

Speaking of easy. I would look like a slut.

And I don't want that.

'Cause I think I could really develop feelings for the ex-football player.

It's official that his playing days are over, but Edward isn't heartbroken or anything.

He has plans for after college that don't involve sports.

His run was a good one, but that chapter in his life has closed.

Edward's taken my opinions on jocks and demolished them all.

He's sweet even when he's acting like a caveman.

"You did not just try to pull that line." He chuckles, turning his head toward me.

His warm breath washes over my face, making me shiver.

If I lean in a little bit, our mouths will touch.

I don't want to come on too strong.

It's Edward who decides to close the distance.

Damn, boy.


	32. BS - must resist

**32**

**Bella Swan/must resist**

There are things I've learned about Edward since we met.

Like his favorite color is blue and he has no self-control around Lemonhead candies.

He's really really talented when it comes to playing football, but even if his hand wasn't ruined, he has no interest in going pro.

One time in the seventh grade, he sniffed an entire box of open Mr. Sketch scented markers and threw up in front of his English class because it made him so nauseated.

Edward's been holding out on me.

He never told me he was the master of make-out sessions.

"I don't want to know where you learned how to do that, but do it again." I run my tongue over my swollen lips and dive back in for more.

Man can kiss like no other.

His tongue dominates mine without even trying.

Not that I'd fight it.

My tongue is totally submissive.

Especially when it comes to this very hot guy and his magical mouth.


	33. BS - clockblocker

**33**

**Bella Swan/cockblocker to herself and others**

It's hard to pull away from him but I have to.

The urge to ride this man like a bronco is strong, but just like Edward, I also have plans.

We've got a good thing going so far, and I'm not going to ruin it because I can't keep my libido in check.

I really like him.

He's smart and funny. Kind and generous.

When it comes to kissing Edward he is _very _generous.

We break apart with a gasp, and he rests his head on my shoulder.

"The things you do to me."

"I could say the same." I try to catch my breath, but I think it's gone.

My lungs burn.

But it's a good burn.

Not like the one in my calf.

"Shit, I think I busted my stitches."

I climb off of Edward's lap ... because somehow I ended up there and pull the edge of the gauze away.

"You okay?" he asks.

I know he's squeamish so I cover everything back up and assure him that I am fine.

Right now I am so fine.


	34. BS - really can't stay

**34**

**Bella Swan/really can't stay**

When our eyes meet, I feel like I'm already naked and underneath him.

That's how much power his gaze has over me.

"Stop it," I tell him.

"Stop what?"

His voice is far too innocent to be believable.

"Looking at me like that. Gosh." I try to stand up but he pulls me back down.

"If I promise not to look at you anymore, will you consider staying? I'm bored to death now that school is out for the holidays. Emmett and Rose headed home to plan their wedding, and most of the guys on my team can barely look at me after ..."

He lifts his heavily bandaged hand up.

"I really should go." I'm grasping for straws. "I have to work in the morning, and I haven't done laundry."

"Tomorrow is Sunday. You told me that you aren't open on Sundays. Try again." He smirks.

I want to kiss that smirk.

Fuck it.

"You caught me."


	35. BS - easily spooked

**35**

**Bella Swan/easily spooked**

I kind of regret taking pity on Edward and staying.

Not really; my lips are numb and swollen from all of the kisses, and my hair looks like a bird's nest because his one hand can't stay out of it. Nothing some chapstick and a brush can't cure.

"We have to stop."

He groans against my mouth.

"Don't wanna."

Me either, dude.

"We have to." I place a hand on his chest and push him away.

Edward pouts, and I can't help but imagine our kids getting away with murder if they take after him.

_Wait. What the fuck?_

I stand up and snatch my bag off the coffee table.

"I have to go. Now."

"Why? We can stop. Let's watch TV or something."

I shake my head.

He calls my name as I run out the door with my shoes hanging off my fingers, but I don't look back.


	36. EC - confused as fuck

**36**

**Edward Cullen/confused as fuck**

My phone rings twenty minutes after Bella vanishes into thin air.

I'm still sitting on the couch, trying to figure out what I did wrong.

"Hello?"

"_**I'm sorry ... I freaked."**_

"Yeah, you did. There's a Bella-shaped hole in my door, and I heard your tires squealing when you hightailed it out of the complex."

"_**Did I say I was sorry? Because I am."**_

"Wanna let me know what happened so I can try to fix it?"

Bella sighs.

"_**This is all on me, Edward. I just ... I'm sorry. Are we okay?"**_

"Yeah. Of course, we are. Why wouldn't we be?"

She's quiet for a beat.

"Bella?"

"_**Yeah, we're good. I want to make it up to you. I know you can't drink, but there's a bar on the corner of my street that makes bangin' chicken tenders. Do you think I could take you out on a date, properly?"**_

I think my face might break. That's how wide my smile is.

"Of course. I would love to go out with you ... properly."


	37. EC - just wants to impress her

**37**

**Edward Cullen/just wants to impress her**

We're sitting across from each other in the middle of a crowded bar, but my eyes are focused on her.

The way she stirs her club soda and dips French fries in mustard.

Gross but she makes it look good.

Yeah, she does.

Bella has apologized for up and leaving like she did a hundred times before the waitress returns with our drinks.

"Don't worry about it. It's cool," I told her.

She's still worried about it though.

I need to come up with a way to get her mind off of it.

It's not a big deal.

"Hey, Bella?"

She looks up from her dinner, mouth full of chicken, and nods.

"Is your name Google? Because you've got everything I'm searching for."

Luckily, she swallowed her food before I came to the punchline because she throws her pretty head back and laughs so loud people turn toward us.

And then she counters my cheesy pickup line.

"Can I take your picture? I wanna show Santa what I want for Christmas?"


	38. EC - hates shift change

**38**

**Edward Cullen/hates shift change**

Hours pass and we're making easy conversation.

Our waitress stops by to check on us.

"The two of you look cozy, but I get off in five so I'm handing you over to Seth for the rest of your night." She points to a scrawny little git talking with the table behind us.

Bella reaches for her purse, but I'm quicker and hand Jessica a twenty, thanking her for her exceptional service.

Bella glares at me.

"You just stole my date."

"No, I didn't. I'm right here."

She throws a fry at me.

"You know what I mean. I asked you out, and you just tipped the waitress. We aren't going dutch."

"I'm sorry. You can pay me back if you want."

She reaches for her purse again, but I stop her.

"Keep your cash. I accept any major credit cards and heavy makeout sessions as acceptable forms of payment."

Bella's beautiful laugh is interrupted by Seth.

My least favorite person on earth at the moment.

"All right, I gotta ask the pretty lady what we're laughing about."


	39. EC - is about to punch this kid

**39**

**Edward Cullen/is about to punch this kid**

Bella stops laughing and looks at Seth.

"Seriously, Jessica said your table was a hoot so I have to know. What's so funny?"

"The fact that your fly is down," Bella replies.

He quickly covers his crotch with his tray and takes a look, zipping his pants up and giving her a cocky smile.

"Thanks, beautiful. Although, I'm flattered you were checking out the goods." Seth shoots her a wink, and I start to stand up.

This dude is begging to have my fist collide with his face.

"I wasn't. It was pretty obvious. Your boxers were poking out, and the Grinch was giving me some mad side-eye."

His smile melts off of his face, replaced by mortification, but he's quick to backtrack.

"His heart isn't the only thing that can grow three times bigger, if you know what I mean."

_That's it._

_Fuck this fucking idiot._

I'm on my feet and pulling my arm back.

"Edward, stop," Bella says.


	40. EC - should never doubt Bella

**40**

**Edward Cullen/should never doubt Bella**

"Sit down, Edward," she tells me.

The only woman I have ever been afraid of is my mother ... until now.

I slide back into the booth and watch her handle the dumbass with a little more grace than my fist would have.

"Listen here." She looks at his name tag even though she totally knows his name. "Seth, it's pretty obvious that I'm here with my boyfriend. I'm sure with that attitude you've gotten your ass kicked by a few of those in the past. You're lucky I can take care of myself because he"—she points to me—"used to be a quarterback up until two weeks ago. He would have turned you into ground beef, and that's without using his dominant hand."

Seth visibly gulps.

"Now, be a good little boy and go ask another server to trade tables with you, or I want to see your manager."

He doesn't move.

Bella doesn't like that he doesn't move.

"Now!" she snaps.

Seth scuttles off, and I have a raging boner in the middle of a crowded bar.


	41. BS - finds this too funny

**41**

**Bella Swan/is finding this too funny**

Our new server is pretty great.

Total one-eighty from Seth.

The tables have turned in the best possible way.

A flamboyant James blatantly flirts with my date, and I can't get enough of it.

"Look at that muscle, girl, you are one lucky bitch," he gushes, squeezing Edward's bicep.

Usually, I would be offended, being called a bitch, but not this time. I give James a genuine smile and a nod.

"I know, right?"

Edward's eyes are pleading.

He's extremely uncomfortable.

I have to put him out of his misery.

"But hands off the merchandise. I'm pretty possessive," I warn.

James' hand falls to his side.

"I wouldn't blame you, honey. The man is a snack."

Edward looks like he could crawl under the table.

"I know. I can't wait to get him home and have a nibble. Speaking of which. Can we get our check, please?"

I leave James a thirty-five percent tip and watch him give Edward one last look before he sashays away.

"I hate my girlfriend," Edward mutters.


	42. BS - has a boyfriend?

**42**

**Bella Swan/has a boyfriend?**

"Girlfriend, huh?" I ask.

"Yeah, she was pretty great up until she let me get molested. I might have to second guess some things."

"I bet she's sorry."

I lie.

"I bet she's full of shit."

I lean across the table.

"What did you think about this supposed girlfriend before she let you get felt up by the server?"

He meets me halfway with a panty-dropping smile.

Gah, this guy.

"Beautiful, smart, hilarious, with a take no shit attitude." He kisses my nose and pulls away. "And she called me her boyfriend way before I thought she would. I was trying to come up with a way to ask her to make it official without seeming any younger than her than I already am. Have I mentioned that she's a total cradle robber?"

"Two years is not a big deal." I laugh and throw my straw paper at him.

He tries to catch it with his good hand but fails, and his smile drops.

"Let's go back to your house and make out, boyfriend."


	43. BS - unaware of her surroundings

**43**

**Bella Swan/unaware of her surroundings**

Days after our date, I'm at work, listening to my boss talk about the tantric sex she had last night.

"... And then he lifted my leg over his shoulder and shoved a vibrator so far up my ..."

"Alice. Please."

"What happened to you? You used to love to hear about my sex life until you met the quarterback."

"What happened is that I made a mature decision. No booty until he's in a cast and we've gone out on three dates." I groan and fall back into a chair. "I know it's the right thing to do but we both get our stitches removed at the end of the week, and we've only technically been out once. I'm so stupid and impatient and horny."

"Wow, tell me how you really feel."

I literally flip over the back of my chair and land in a heap at Edward's feet.

_Ow_

"What are you doing here?" I ask from the floor.

"I was thinking lunch but your needs sound more important."


	44. BS - spontaneous combustion

**44**

**Bella Swan/spontaneous combustion**

"Um."

I'm stupefied.

Edward gives me the goofiest grin when I finally stand up.

Alice is cackling behind a stack of paperwork.

I hate her.

"I'm just kidding ... about lunch."

A snort from the solo peanut gallery.

"I hate all of you people," I grumble.

"Apparently, you don't hate me. In fact, you so want to do me." He preens.

I glare.

Judging from the wheezing going on behind me, I think my boss might be dying.

Serves her right.

"I really am kidding, Bella," Edward says all serious like.

As in his smile is gone but he's giving me a "do me right now" look.

I want to take him to the stockroom and do half of the things Alice tells me about.

My life sucks.

"Do you want to get something to eat with me?"

"What? Food? Food is good. Yeah, let's go get food."


	45. BS - age is just a number

**45**

**Bella Swan/age is just a number**

"Should we order you something from the kid's menu?" Edward asks when we take our seats.

"No. I told you I was hungry."

He nods.

"Yeah, but I'm starting to think I should check your driver's license to see how old you really are, considering you've been pouting since I overheard your little rant."

I wanna flip the table and storm out.

_How old am I again?_

"That was humiliating."

Edward pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"I think I know what will make you feel better."

"Unless you have Doc Brown's number and he's willing to loan you his DeLorean, I'm not interested," I mutter.

"Nah, I think you'll like this better."

He passes me the phone, and I press it to my ear.

"_Sister from possibly another missus and mister! What is happenin'? My bro tells me you're having a rough day."_

Immediately, I've got a smile on my face.

"I miss your fat head."

"_Awe, I miss you too. I can't eat a Big Mac without thinking of you."_


	46. EC - could kiss Emmett

**46**

**Edward Cullen/could kiss Emmett**

I order our drinks and a pizza for us to share while listening to a one-sided conversation.

"What happened is Edward eavesdropped on a private conversation I was having, and apparently, I'm acting like a child." She tries to pull off a pout but fails miserably.

I knew I kept Emmett around for a reason.

"Yeah. Now I'm making him buy me food."

"No," she guffaws. "I'm not telling him that."

I lean toward her and reach for my phone.

"Tell me what?" I ask.

Bella covers the mic.

"He wants me to tell you that he got to cop a feel after our 'date', and that you're getting his sloppy seconds." She frowns and goes back to her call. "Wait, I think that was mildly insulting me. Dick."

I sit back in my chair and just watch her.

The way her eyes light up when she laughs.

She's so beautiful.

I decide that I need to figure out how to cram two dates into the next three days.

You know why.


	47. EC - forms a plan

**47**

**Edward Cullen/forms a plan**

"Tell me the truth," I say after Bella ends the call. "Are you using me to get to Emmett? Because you haven't met Rosalie yet, but I can tell you that she's not above murder when it comes to her man."

I'm not joking.

Rosalie really loves the big guy ... a lot.

She's a biology major so she'd probably get away with it.

"Of course, I am. It has nothing to do with your personality and devastatingly handsome face." Bella smiles.

_Why did she have to go and make that stupid fucking rule?_

I want to ask her who's place is closer and take care of the problem I overheard her whining about.

Instead, we part ways, and I make a few calls.

One of the perks of living in a college town is that people scramble to pull favors for anyone who plays sports for the university.

A couple of hours later, I have everything in place and send Bella a text message.

**Dress warmly. I'm picking you up at seven.**

_**Stop bossing me around.**_

_**Can't wait.**_


	48. EC - rendered speechless TWICE

**48**

**Edward Cullen/rendered speechless. TWICE**

Just a note; Bella's apartment is closer than mine is to her office.

I tuck away this information for future reference and knock on her door that's decorated with a giant wreath made out of ornaments and wait.

Well worth the wait.

_Damn, baby._

She's wearing a simple pair of painted-on jeans and a dark gray peacoat, but the girl makes it look good.

Too good.

"Is this warm enough? I run hot so ..."

"Yeah, you do."

She blushes.

"You look great, Bella. I'm sure you'll be fine. Ready to go?"

"Yeah, I just need to find shoes. I was planning on wearing my favorite boots, but they irritate my calf. Give me a second."

She holds the door open, and I finally find a flaw in Bella Swan.

Her living room is filled with shelves upon shelves full of creepy horror dolls.

"The fuck?"

I try to tear my eyes away from the scene before me but I can't.

It's like my worst nightmare all in one room.

"Oh. You met my friends."

_This girl cannot be for real._

"I'm kidding, Edward."


	49. EC - no way

**49**

**Edward Cullen/no way**

I can't look away from the tiny, Barbie version of Pennywise the clown because I'm afraid he'll move closer behind my back.

I'm never going to sleep again.

"They're just toys, Edward," Bella says, physically making me turn to her.

"What the fuck?"

"I started collecting them when I was a kid, and it just stuck. It's not that big of a deal."

I point to the wall of terror, but I don't look because I'm scared one of them might have moved while I was distracted.

"This is not a hobby. Have you never seen Small Soldiers? Toy Story? Fuck."

She giggles and rubs my back.

"Who knew my big, tough football player could be such a pussy around a bunch of dolls?"

"Those aren't dolls, Bella. They are frightening things that just so happen to be made of plastic."

"Okay, so we find a solution. No hanging out at my place. You have a bigger TV anyway." She shrugs and reaches for a scarf. "Let's go, pansy."


	50. EC - remembers the agenda

**50**

**Edward Cullen/remembers the agenda**

"So, where are we going?"

How can she sound so laid-back when she lives like that?

I'd rather she be a slob, if I'm being completely honest.

I can work around a mess.

But this ...

I need to remember my plan.

"Monroe's," I reply.

Bella's eyes bug.

"How in the hell did you manage to get a reservation at Monroe's? One of Alice's 'friends' has been trying for months, and I'm pretty sure he's loaded."

I shrug.

"Football has a lot of pull in this area. Our scout has an ongoing reservation. I played the pity card, and Jasper was more than happy to put us on the list."

"Well, thanks, Jasper."

Monroe's is fancy as fuck.

I remember when Whitlock took my family there while he was trying to convince me to sign my contract a little over four years ago.

I hand the valet my keys.

He tells me I played a hell of a game and that he's sorry my career is over.

"S'cool. I got something pretty great out of that game." I nod to Bella.


	51. BS - on to his little game

**51**

**Bella Swan/on to his little game**

"I get what you're trying to do, you know."

We're sitting on the deck of the fanciest restaurant I've ever been to.

If it weren't for the heaters, we'd be freezing to death, but it's a comfortable atmosphere.

As it should be considering there aren't any prices on the menu.

I saw Edward slip a shiny black card into our waiter's hand.

Something tells me he's about to spend a lot of money on a couple of steaks and creamed asparagus.

_Ew on the latter._

"Enlighten me."

"You're going to cram two more dates in before Friday so you can get laid."

He leans back in his chair, all suave like, and runs his thumb over his bottom lip.

My tongue wants to be that thumb.

Edward shakes his head.

"Nah. I'm doing this so you can get laid. I can't keep you around if you spontaneously combust. I'll just reap the benefits of my hard work." He stresses the word "hard", and if we weren't in a crowded area, we'd be in big trouble.

_Mama._


	52. BS - wants big D E

**52**

**Bella Swan/wants big "D" ... "E"?**

"Stop it." I look away, my cheeks flushing.

Because the heater closest to us is on full blast.

That's why.

Edward looks all too proud of himself.

"You started it. Calling me out. If you would have just gone along with it, we could be doing other things around this time on Friday."

Emphasis on "other things".

I look around the room, and I'm surprised that the people around us aren't humping each other.

The sexual tension at our table is so thick it would take a chainsaw to cut through it.

_Fuck._

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to order or should I ask for the check?"

What I really want is to take him to the bathroom and do crazy nympho things to him, but I pick up my menu and order the first thing my eyes land on.

I seriously hope I like couscous or Edward's going to waste his money on this date.

Our waiter walks off and he leans in, that cocky smile making my insides quiver.

"You're dirty."

"You don't know the half of it."


	53. BS - fancy food is for the birds

**53**

**Bella Swan/fancy food is for the birds**

The texture of couscous is not for me. Period.

Edward's enjoying whatever he ordered when I feel it.

His foot taps mine and then wraps around my good calf.

"Edward," I warn, kicking him away.

He pulls back and twirls some pasta around his fork.

"You know, when I was in high school, Jasper showed up at one of my games and pulled my parents aside." He offers me the bite.

I take it, and it's so much better than this gritty shit on my plate.

"I've never been scouted, but I imagine that's how it works," I shrug.

"He had us come check out the campus and brought us to Monroe's. It was right over there"—he points to a table closer to the door—"that he produced his first offer, and that's when the fun started."

"Fun?"

Edward nods.

"Mom and Dad hired a lawyer, and there was a lot of back and forth. Changing things until everyone was happy with the final product. I think we should try that."

"A contract?"

"No. Renegotiating terms."

_Oh._


	54. BS - Her new favorite word is no

**54**

**Bella Swan/her new favorite word is no**

Call it women's intuition.

Call it spidey sense.

Call it whatever the fuck you want, but it's like I knew he would try to pull something like this.

When he sent me the text message, I was still at work, and Alice handed me a strip of condoms longer than my arm.

"_You are getting laid tonight ... I can't wait to hear all about it!"_ she cried, throwing her arms around me.

My boss is far too invested in my lack of a sex life.

I told her I wasn't planning on giving in tonight, and I meant it.

I needed a legit reason not to jump my hot football player, so I didn't shave.

I'm like a prickly pear-covered chastity belt.

"No." I shake my head.

"No?"

This boy's pout.

Lethal.

"We're not renegotiating anything. We're both adults, and we can make it until Friday."

"But think of the fun we could have before then."

I do.

I totally think about the things we could do in the next two days leading up to D-literally-day.

"No."


	55. BS - self-proclaimed Gumby

**55**

**Bella Swan/self-proclaimed Gumby**

It's like he makes it his life's mission to make me regret my decision to hold off until Friday.

Subtle touches against my ass as we exit the restaurant.

A confident squeeze of my thigh and brush against my tit as he unnecessarily "helps" me put my seatbelt on.

I'm breathing like I just ran a half marathon while he navigates the streets toward my building.

And Bella Swan doesn't run ... from anything, besides cats that she thinks are raccoons.

If he could steer with his left hand, I'm sure he'd be touching me with his right because it keeps twitching.

I'm watching his long fingers as if I can already feel them ...

You know where.

I can't wait to enjoy the Edward Cullen experience, but I have to.

If he's wearing a cast, I can't accidentally hurt his hand, and without my stitches, I'll be a little more flexible.

I'm not a rubber band, but I'm pretty bendy, if I do say so myself.

We're going to have so much fun.

On Friday.


	56. EC - excited for a doctor appointment

**56**

**Edward Cullen/excited for a doctor's appointment**

"What are you doing?" Bella asks when I disengage my seatbelt.

"Walking you inside."

"Whoa. Nope. Not happening." She pulls the strap back over and clicks it in place. "You can't be trusted. I'll walk myself, thank you very much."

"That's not very gentlemanly."

"This is important to me, Edward. I'm not rejecting you for fun."

I grab her hand and kiss her knuckles.

"I know. I'm just fucking with you."

She gives a disgruntled huff, leans over the console, and proceeds to kiss the hell out of me.

_Is it Friday yet?_

I'm so hard I think I'm about to bust through my jeans when she pulls away.

"I had a really good time. Thank you."

"No thanks needed. I had fun too."

She grabs her purse from the backseat and reaches for the door. "I'll see you Friday?"

"My appointment is at three, but it could take a while to get the cast settled. Are you sure Alice is okay with you taking the day off?"

Bella nods.

"I think she might be more excited than we are."


	57. EC - Emmett is an evil genius

**57**

**Edward Cullen/Emmett is an evil genius**

I'm at a neverending red light.

"_My bachelor party better be bangin' because this ceremony my lady is planning will not be executed unless I'm still drunk from the night before."_

I roll my eyes.

"Remind me why I agreed to be your best man again."

"_Because I am awesome, and you can't imagine your life without me."_

"That, or because I'm your only friend."

"_Miss you too, asshole. Speaking of things I miss. How's my favorite brunette? Have you gotten your dick wet yet?" _

The volume in my car must be too high because the old lady in the minivan next to me honks her horn and gives me the dirtiest of looks.

I wave, and she flips me off.

_Okay then ..._

"For your information, she gave me a three date limit and is making me wait until we're both stitch free."

"_Have I taught you nothing? You take her home and make her breakfast, brunch, and lunch. You grab a pair of scissors and some tweezers and rectify that shit in like six hours." _


	58. EC - will not vomit

**58**

**Edward Cullen/will not vomit**

It's Friday.

Fucking finally.

Well, not really.

Unfortunately, we have things that must be done before we can get to that.

I pick Bella up, and we grab a quick lunch that I immediately regret eating when Dr. Clearwater pulls out a small pair of scissors and a set of tweezers.

I can feel the blood drain from my face and pool heavily in my feet.

_Why did I insist on coming in with her again?_

"You all right over there?" the doctor asks, dropping his tools and reaching for me.

I nod and drop into a chair in the corner of the room.

"He's really squeamish," Bella explains, giving me an "I told you so" look.

I pull out my phone and try to focus on catching up with a few _Words With Friends_ that I've been neglecting and not on the "snip, snip" sounds coming from the bed.

"Any big plans for the weekend?"

I hear Bella give a low chuckle.

"Yeah, we sure do. Huge plans."

Dr. Clearwater hums.


	59. EC - will take half a hand and be happy

**59**

**Edward Cullen/will take half a hand and be happy**

The room we're in is pretty crowded.

Probably because I wasn't prepared for my mom, dad, and coach to show up for my follow-up appointment.

I am a grown man after all.

It's awkwardly silent as we watch Dr. Volturi go over my X-rays.

He flips back and forth, looking at each small detail.

"It's looking good, Edward. I'm confident we can put you in a cast today."

Bella gives a small "yesss", and I can't help but smile.

Mom was less than happy to see us walk into the waiting room together, wrapped around each other and laughing about the joke my perverted girlfriend had just dropped on me.

I squeeze her hand.

Dad asks a bunch of questions.

He's been googling.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. You won't find a reputable surgeon in the U.S. who will be willing to attempt such a complex and unresearched procedure. The possibility of losing the hand all together is at stake if even the smallest thing went wrong."

"Fuck that."


	60. EC - cocky is his middle name

**Please read: There won't be any updates this weekend. I'm so sorry. Emergency Room Encounter will resume Monday at noon. **

**60**

**Edward Cullen/cocky is his middle name**

"Your mom does realize that I'm not some deviant who tried to give you a blowjob in a hospital bathroom, right?" Bella asks.

"I wish you would have. Besides meeting you, that night pretty much sucked balls."

She revs the engine before peeling out of the parking lot.

Bella about creamed her pants when I threw her the keys to my baby and told her to follow the navigation.

In a matter of minutes, we pull up to the local movie theater, and she laughs.

"Seriously?"

I nod my head.

"I already bought the tickets. We're going a little out of order."

"How so?"

We meet at the back bumper, and I grab her hand.

"You took me out for our first date. I took you out to a fancy as fuck dinner for our second, and now, we're going to the movies for our third. I should have kept Monroe's for today, seeing as I'll be getting in your pants after this."

"You sound so sure of yourself."

"I'm absolutely positive that we're going to end this date in my bed."


	61. BS - will not get banned from a theater

**61**

**Bella Swan/will not get banned from a theater**

Edward is like a child when it comes to going to the movies.

My purse is full of candy boxes.

I'm carrying an extra large popcorn and drink.

He gives a sigh when we're seated.

"What's wrong?"

He sets down his nachos because, yes, he had to have those too.

"What were they thinking with this renovation? How are couples supposed to do couple things with these seats?"

I happen to like the new recliners the theater installed. They're comfortable, and who doesn't want to put their feet up every once in a while?

We barely made it in time for the movie to start so the lights dim before we get situated.

"Hey, Bella," he whispers about ten minutes in.

What?

If this man forgot something from the concession stand, I'm going to kill him.

From the glow coming off the big screen, I watch him beckon me with a finger.

"C'mere."

"I'm not sitting on your lap, Edward."

I lie.

I put all of his stuff in my seat and crawl into his arms.


	62. BS - speed racer

**62**

**Bella Swan/speed racer**

We're in a full-blown make-out session when a light is shined our way.

A throat clears, and I pull away from Edward's amazing mouth with a scowl on my face.

_Who the fuck is interrupting this—_

_Oh._

"If the two of you could follow me without interrupting the rest of our guests that would be greatly appreciated."

I climb to my feet, grab my purse, and follow Edward out to the lobby.

According to his nametag, Embry is the manager.

We are asked to leave the establishment, and we are most certainly not invited back.

_Great, now I'm going to have to drive three towns over just to see a movie._

My boyfriend can't stop laughing as we weave through the parking lot.

"Shut up."

"Don't be like that. Just think of it this way: we have officially been on three dates."

Technically, he's right.

I can willingly give in, take him home, and screw his brains out.

But I'm not going to.

Who am I kidding?

I run three red lights and come to a screeching halt in his parking spot.

"Let's do this."


	63. BS - BIG BOY

**63**

**Bella Swan/big boy**

He's got a cast now.

I can be as rough as I want without worrying about making anything worse than it already is.

Me likey.

Edward smiles when I push him onto the bed and climb on top of him.

We're still dressed, but that's okay.

We'll get there eventually.

And by eventually, I mean soon.

Really soon.

"Fuck, Bella."

"That's part of my master plan," I tell him, shoving my tongue down his throat.

Edward's shirt is ripped from his body, literally.

_Being horny turns all girls into the Incredible Hulk, right?_

God damn, I wanna lick this man from head to his other head.

I totally plan to do just that.

I get to work, starting with his lips, trailing open-mouthed kisses down his perfect chest, and pushing his jeans down his legs before—

"Holy fuck."

I mean ...

I was so not prepared for this.

I mean ...

_Holy fuck._


	64. BS - speechless

**64**

**Bella Swan/speechless ...**

I could handle it if he were pierced.

Honestly, I'd prefer it if he was over this.

This meaning THIS.

"You're giving me a complex."

I can't tear my eyes away from the anaconda Edward's been hiding in his pants.

I can't imagine fitting that thing in my mouth let alone my ... you know?

S'just not possible.

"Bella."

He has the audacity to laugh while I'm having vivid visuals of being split in two.

There are things a woman can't bounce back from.

I imagine Edward Cullen's package being at the top of that list.

"Um."

I'm dumbstruck.

I'm cock-struck.

As in, we're talking baseball bat.

Not really, but the dude is big.

"Come here."

I'll admit I am afraid of things.

Raccoons, diet soda, and automatic flushing toilets, just to name a few.

I never would have thought I'd be afraid of Edward Cullen's dick. Until now.


	65. BS - lockjaw anyone?

**65**

**Bella Swan/lockjaw anyone?**

All right.

I pull my proverbial big girl panties up and ready myself for this.

My internal pep talk leaves something to be desired.

_You can totally do this ... I think._

Yeah.

Edward wraps his hand around the base of his cock.

"It's just a dick, Bella."

"You cannot be serious. That is the biggest dick I've ever seen."

He smirks, and my panties flood.

This guy is walking sex.

Well, lying on a bed, scaring the crap out of his partner sex.

"I'm flattered."

"I'm sure you are."

He jacks himself off, and I'll be damned if my mouth doesn't water at the sight.

I reach out and stop his hand before settling between his knees.

The big mushroom head stares up at me, and I take a tentative lick, groaning at the taste.

Edward fists the comforter underneath his body.

That makes me brave.

Maybe, just maybe, I can do this.

I wrap my lips around him, and my eyes roll into the back of my head.


	66. EC - a well-endowed man

**66**

**Edward Cullen/a well-endowed man**

I've grown up in a locker room, and I'm not deaf, so I know what people say.

I'm by no means a virgin, but I've had a few girls take a step back when I pulled my pants down.

Watching Bella balk at the sight kind of got me worried because it's still early, but I know she's special.

When she takes me in her mouth for the first time, I have to fight the urge to blow my load right then and there.

Talk about embarrassing.

"Bella," I moan.

She releases me with a smacking pop and climbs up my body.

"I'm probably not the first girl to react like this. You're going to have to walk me through how to do this because, to be honest, I'm sort of terrified."

"But you want it?"

Consent is the most important thing whenever it comes to sex. Always.

"Oh, I want it."

I pull her in for a kiss, but she's stiff as a board.

_You and me both, woman._

But in this circumstance, that just won't do.


	67. EC - this is not going to last long

**67**

**Edward Cullen/this is not going to last long**

"You're going to need to relax for this to work."

"I am."

I chuckle and flick the button of her jeans open.

"Baby, you are not relaxed."

She groans when I slip my hand in her pants, finding her hot, and luckily she's soaking.

That's good.

"Okay, I'm trying."

"Try harder."

I rub her clit until she's shuddering above me and tell her to take off her clothes.

I've never seen someone move as fast as Bella does getting naked.

For someone so scared five minutes ago, she seems sure of herself now.

I help her climb on top of me.

"Take it slow," I warn her, placing the head of my cock at her entrance. "Slow."

Bella nods and takes her time adjusting to me inch by torturous inch until our hips are flush.

"Oh, God," she moans.

"Good or bad?" I wrap my arm around her while she starts slowly rocking against me.

"Good. So good."

I capture her lips with mine.

"I'm so full. You're so perfect."

"You're perfect. You were made for me."


	68. EC - over before it began

**68**

**Edward Cullen/over before it began**

Bella tenses with a low growl, and I can't stop myself from spilling deep inside her.

"Shit."

She rolls off of me with a satisfied sigh.

"Why was I afraid of that?"

"I don't know."

After a quick trip to the bathroom, we fall back into bed.

It's still early, but it's decided that Bella is staying the night.

"Just when I think you can't get any more perfect than you already are, boom, you go and surprise me," she tells me.

I'm lying on my stomach, my arm wrapped around her while she draws lazy circles across my back with her fingers.

"I could say the same thing about you."

We talk about random things and sneak kisses in between sentences.

Our Christmas plans are simple.

Bella's heading home for a couple of days to spend the holiday with her parents, and I'll be busy with parties that various family members will host.

"Don't make any plans for New Year's," I tell her. "Emmett and Rose throw a big party every year, and we're expected to be there."

"Okay."


	69. EC - misses her already

**69**

**Edward Cullen/misses her already**

When Bella asks me to drop her off at the airport, I don't hesitate to say yes.

I'm going to miss her, and she'll only be gone for four days.

I help her check the one small bag she brought with her, and we stand by the security checkpoint.

"It's only four days, but I'm dreading it. What have you done to me?" she asks, her voice muffled by my chest.

"I feel your pain, beautiful. It'll fly by though."

She shakes her head.

"I don't want to go."

"Yes, you do. You haven't seen your parents in ages."

Her only response is an unconvincing glare.

"You're supposed to tell me 'Babe, don't go. Stay here with me, and we'll do filthy things instead'."

"You don't want me to do that." I laugh.

They call for her flight, and Bella kisses me like we aren't going to see each other for four years.

"Call me as soon as you touch down."

"Leave me dirty texts and voicemails while I'm in the air."

She waves and disappears.

Suddenly, I feel lonely.


	70. EC - Cullen - more like Sullen

**70**

**Edward Cullen/more like Sullen**

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Edward." Mom sighs and hands me a glass of cider.

"What?"

"You've been doom and gloom since you dropped her off at the airport."

"Her name is Bella, and sue me for missing my girlfriend."

Mom's lips form a thin line.

"Why do you dislike her so much? Seriously?" I demand.

"She isn't good enough for you. You've got a lot going for you, and I don't want to see you end up trapped in a relationship with a gold digger."

"Bella doesn't know anything about how much I'm worth," I scoff, drop my cup on the counter, and stand up. "She thinks I'm just a broke guy playing college football for the scholarship."

Mom shakes her head.

"I saw the way her eyes lit up when you handed her the keys to your car. She looks at you and sees dollar signs."

"I'm not arguing with you about this."

Dad enters the kitchen with an empty punch bowl.

"Es, we're going to need— What's going on?"


	71. BS - is it Sunday yet?

**71**

**Bella Swan/is it Sunday yet?**

"You met a boy." My mom squeals before I get through the front door.

I can hear dogs from three streets over howling; that's how high pitched her voice is.

"Yes, Mom." I roll my eyes and push past her so I can shed some of the layers I'm wearing.

Phoenix is sweltering compared to back at home.

I miss home.

I miss Edward.

"Tell me all about him," she insists, grabbing both of my hands and swinging me back and forth.

"He's in college, used to play football, and we met in the emergency room," I tell her.

Dad perks up.

"You're talking about Cullen?"

I nod, and he winces.

"That was a god-awful injury. Career ending. How's he coping?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"He never planned on going pro, so he's in good spirits."

"That's a shame. The kid was definitely going places."

From what Edward has told me about Carlisle Cullen, I know our fathers will get along well.

Not that they'll ever meet.

Not if Esme has anything to say about it.


	72. BS - doubt creeps in

**72**

**Bella Swan/doubt creeps in**

"My mom is wicked pissed that I didn't bring you with me," I tell Edward when I finally get a minute away from the Spanish Inquisition happening in the kitchen.

He sighs.

"_I wish I would have come with you."_

His sounds tired.

"What's wrong?"

"_My mom is just being her overbearing self. We fought earlier, and I left."_

I close my door and sit on the bed.

"What were you fighting about? Please don't say that it was me."

I take his silence as an answer.

"Edward, I'm not going to come between you and your family."

"_Stop. I'm a grown man, and I can make my own decisions. She's just mad that I'm not crumbling under her thumb."_

"But—"

"_No buts."_

We're quiet for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathing.

I have to ask the question that's been nagging at me.

"Why does she hate me so much?"

"_She thinks you're after my money."_

I'm confused now.

"What money?"


	73. BS - isn't as strong as she thought

**73**

**Bella Swan/isn't as strong as she thought**

I can't be mad at Edward for not telling me that he's from money.

It's really none of my goddamn business, honestly.

Sure, he has a nice apartment and a fancy car, but I just thought it was because he played football.

How was I supposed to know that college ball doesn't pay?

I like Edward a lot.

I can see myself loving him in the future, but I won't destroy his family for my happiness.

I'm a lot of things, but a wedge isn't one of them.

"My mom is calling me. I think she needs help with something in the kitchen." I lie.

"_Okay. I'll talk to you later."_

I hang up, and I feel guilty.

For lying to him.

For being the reason he's sitting in his apartment, alone.

Dad's napping on the sofa, and I can hear my mom in the kitchen.

"Mom."

She looks up from her ancient countertop mixer, and her smile falls from her face.

"What's up, pumpkin?"

I'm exhausted.

From the flight or from my conversation with Edward, I don't know.

I burst into tears.


	74. BS - moms make everything better

**74**

**Bella Swan/moms make everything better**

"She sounds like a real piece of work, this Esme Cullen," Mom says after I catch her up on everything.

I shrug.

"She's a bitch, Bells. The worst kind. The rich kind."

I give her a watery smile.

Trust my mom to say it like it is.

"Her self-entitlement will come between her and her son long before you will, sweetheart."

Mom stands up, walks over to the stove.

"I was going to save this for Christmas dessert, but it looks like you could use it more than your father. His cholesterol is too high anyway."

She sets a blueberry pie and a can of Ready Whip in front of me.

I eat until I feel like I'm going to puke.

It does nothing to curb my guilt, but it tastes delicious, and Mom is eating her fair share.

"You wanna know the worst thing you can do to get back at her?" she asks.

"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me."

"You fall in love with her son, and you prove her wrong every step of the way."


	75. BS - where's the fire?

**75**

**Bella Swan/where's the fire?**

"Bella, wake up."

Mom practically pushes me off of the twin mattress I'm sleeping on.

"What's happening? I'll grab the fire extinguisher."

"There's no fire! Move it." I sit up and watch her fly around the room, shoving my things into my suitcase.

"What's going on?"

"Your father found you a flight. You're going home." She throws a pair of pants at my head. "But we have to hurry."

I must not move quickly enough because she pulls me to my feet and starts yanking at my pajama bottoms.

I smack her hands away.

"I can get dressed by myself. What the fuck is happening?"

"Dad and I talked. You have to go home, tonight."

"Why?"

"Because you're miserable, and Edward is miserable, and we can rectify that."

"But I'm here to spend time with you."

She turns to me with a pair of my underwear in her hand.

"So you go home and spend the holiday with your boyfriend and bring him with you to visit next time."


	76. EC - awesome Aunt Maggie

**76**

**Edward Cullen/awesome Aunt Maggie**

I attend Aunt Maggie's Christmas party because I know if I don't she'll show up and drag me kicking and screaming.

For an eighty-nine-year-old woman, she's freakishly strong.

I bring her a poinsettia that she makes me take straight to the garbage because she's recently acquired a dog.

"Charlotte finally kicked the bucket, and I couldn't let the only good thing about our friendship go to the pound," she tells me, picking up the hairy rat.

Pika is old and missing most of her teeth. That doesn't stop her from snapping at anyone walking by.

"Your mother is in rare form tonight," Maggie says. "I'm glad I hid the good Scotch."

"We're currently at odds over my girlfriend."

My aunt snaps her fingers.

"I knew there was something different about you besides the cast. You've gotten laid. It's about damn time."

Normally, I would be embarrassed by such an old woman commenting on my sex life. Especially when that old woman is my mother's much older sister. But I'm not.

I'm simply used to Maggie.


	77. EC - so happy

**77**

**Edward Cullen/so happy**

"Edward."

Her eyes are glassy.

"Mom." I kiss her cheek because there is a lot of our family around and we need to act civilly.

She sips the amber liquid in her glass.

"I see you've gotten over yourself."

I snort.

"I'm here because of Aunt Maggie not to fight with you over something you have no control over. Bella is in my life, and you aren't going to ruin it for me."

Her eyes become slits.

"I did not raise you—"

My phone rings, and I smile because I know that ringtone.

"Hey, beautiful."

"_Edward! Where are you?" _

"At my Aunt Maggie's Christmas party. Are you having fun in Phoenix?"

Bella sighs.

"_Uh. Yeah, about that. My parents woke me up in the middle of the night and threw me on a red eye. I'm standing in front of your building, waiting for you to buzz me in, but that's obviously not happening."_

"You're home?"

"_Yep."_

I step around my mom and head for the door.

"I'll be there in ten, my code is four-four-seven-three. Don't stay out in the cold."


	78. EC - worth a speeding ticket

**78**

**Edward Cullen/worth a speeding ticket**

It takes me longer than ten minutes to get to my apartment because I get pulled over for going sixty in a forty-five.

"Mind telling me why you were going so fast, son?" the officer asks.

I pass him my license and registration.

"My girlfriend surprised me by coming home early from her vacation. She's sitting in the lobby of my building."

My leg is bouncing with excitement because I really want to see Bella.

He looks at my information.

"Cullen? You play ball?"

_Will that be the only thing I'm known for?_

"Up until our second to last game." I hold up my cast.

"Shame." He hands me back my stuff. "Slow it down."

He knocks on the roof of my car and goes back to his cruiser.

When I finally pull into my spot, I see Bella waiting by the door, and I'm barely out of the car before she's in my arms.

"Oomph. Hi, baby!"

She wraps her legs around my waist, and I fall back against the door.


	79. EC - hot water heaters

**79**

**Edward Cullen/hot water heaters, best thing ever**

I notice that Bella is shivering when we get to my apartment.

"How long did you wait outside before you called?" I ask, peeling her jacket off and rubbing her arms.

"Like fifteen minutes. I didn't know if you were sleeping or in the shower."

"The shower. Good idea."

I pull her into the bathroom and get her naked while the water warms up.

She sheds me of my pants and tears another shirt.

"You're costing me a fortune in clothing."

"I'll pay you back."

I try pushing her into the stall, but she stops me.

"We have to cover your cast."

I proudly show her my latest Amazon Prime purchase, and she helps me slip into the waterproof cast cover with a laugh.

"You buy the strangest stuff, but this is pretty genius."

She's freezing, but it doesn't keep me from pressing her up against the cold tile and having my wicked way with her.

"Fuck. Edward." She gasps, wrapping one leg around my hip.

"I am." I thrust into her harder than I should, but she doesn't seem to mind.


	80. EC - can't wait to meet Renee

**80**

**Edward Cullen/can't wait to meet Renee**

When Bella is warm and thoroughly fucked, I take her to my bed and pull her close.

"Hmm. I missed you."

"It was barely twenty-four hours. What does that say about us?"

She shrugs and burrows into my side.

"I dunno."

We fool around and then the conversation gets serious.

"Why did your parents make you come home?"

Bella leans up and kisses me.

"Because I went to my mom for advice on our situation with your mom, and she decided this was the best solution."

"What was her advice?"

It's not often that I get to witness her blushing.

"Tell me," I press.

"My mom told me that the best way to get back at Esme is to fall in love with her son and prove her wrong every chance I get."

I smile.

"I like the sound of that."

"Me too. And then she woke me up in the middle of the night and kicked me out."

"I think I'm going to like your mom."

"Me too."


	81. BS - insatiable

**81**

**Bella Swan/insatiable**

I spend the rest of my Christmas vacation in bed with Edward.

We break for food and to use the bathroom. That's it.

He drops me off at work on my first day back, and I find Alice waiting for me.

"Jesus, Bella, did you even shower this morning? You reek of hot sex and sweaty man."

I flip her off and turn on the display lights.

"Bitch."

I totally showered ... and then I rode my boyfriend on one of his kitchen chairs.

I can't get enough of him.

"Seriously. He's good, isn't he? I could tell when he came in that day."

"Has the talent of a well-trained Casanova, and he's hung like a horse."

Alice chokes on her coffee and reaches for some tissues.

"Damn. Lucky whore."

"How's Sam?"

"Eh. I broke it off. There's only so far you can go with a guy who gives good oral. He reached his expiration date. I met a new guy though ... through Tinder."

I roll my eyes.

"His name is Jasper and—"

"Wait, what did you say?"


	82. BS - detective

**82**

**Bella Swan/detective**

"Jasper ... but that's not the point. The man took me up against the brick wall behind the bar we met at, and I have scratches all over my ass but it was so worth it ..."

She continues describing the curve in his dick while my fingers fly over my phone's keyboard.

_**Do not ask questions. If you have one, send me the most recent picture you have of Jasper. Now!**_

"... he has a prescription for the little blue pill, and he fucked me for like seven hours straight ..."

My phone buzzes, and I tune her out again.

**I don't even want to know. This is from my birthday last year.**

I blow the picture up and thrust my phone under Alice's nose.

"Hey, that's him! How do you know Jasper?"

"I don't. He's a scout for Edward's college."

Alice's eyes widen.

I can see the cogs in her brain working double time.

She doesn't get personal with her sexual partners, so this might be a little too close for comfort.

"Goddamnit, Bella."

"What did I do?"

"I really like this guy."


	83. BS - enjoys this way too much

**83**

**Bella Swan/enjoys this way too much**

Alice has a resting bitch face on for the rest of the day.

I was asked to reschedule an appointment because the client didn't like her attitude.

At lunch, she angrily stabs at her salad.

"You okay there, boss?" I ask. "Are you pretending that kale is my face or something?"

I bite into my bacon cheeseburger while she glares.

"I'm not okay. You are a bitch."

"Tell me something I don't know."

She throws her plastic fork at me.

"I think Jasper might be my Excalibur, and now I have to break up with him. All because your stupid boyfriend knows him, and it's possible that we could run into each other."

"Please tell me you did not just refer to your vagina as a stone."

"Fuck you, Bella."

"I don't see what the big deal is. If this guy is your ... sword in the stone"—I grimace—"then you're going to want to keep him around. So, of course, you would expect to cross social paths."

"Fuck you, Bella."

She stomps to her office and slams the door.


	84. BS - royally pissed off Alice

**To clarify, Alice is freaking out because she's promiscuous and likes to keep her private (vagina) life separate from her private life lol**

**84**

**Bella Swan/royally pissed off Alice**

This day goes down in the record books for the longest. Ever.

By the time I climb into Edward's car, I'm beyond exhausted, and I've got a migraine.

Alice's attitude only worsened after lunch, so I spent the rest of my day rescheduling appointments, cleaning every pair of glasses on display, and trying to coax her out of her office with expensive chocolate.

It didn't work.

Every time I knocked, I'd get a "fuck off, Bella" or a "go away".

"You look like you've been through hell," Edward comments.

"Alice's latest fuck buddy is your scout, and she flipped her fucking lid because it's too personal."

"It's not like I hang out with Jasper on a regular basis."

"I tried telling her that, and then she started calling her pussy a rock and his dick a sword and ... I need a damn nap."

"I can help with that."

I should really go home.

I'm glad I don't have a cat or any other living pet.

Pretty sure my houseplants are beyond dead by now.

But Edward's bed is comfy, and he's cuddly.


	85. BS - fuck me

**85**

**Bella Swan/fuck me**

Edward lets me use him as a mattress for a couple of hours before his stomach is rumbling against mine.

"How's the head?" he asks.

He's been giving me a cranium massage for a while, and my eyes haven't stopped rolling in the back of my head.

"If I lie and say it still hurts will you keep doing that?"

"I'll continue after we eat. I'm starving. Wanna go somewhere or order in?"

"Isn't there a barbeque place close by that delivers?"

He nods.

"Let's get something that's super messy and veg out in front of the TV."

Edward chuckles and slowly rolls me off of his body.

"I'll order the food."

I smack his ass when he passes by, and he shoots me a grin.

Everything's going great.

I've finished setting up the coffee table with two rolls of paper towels and drinks when the food arrives.

Edward's in the bathroom, so I grab my wallet and throw open the door.

Wrong fucking choice.

Of course, it's not the food.

That would be too easy.

"Esme?"


	86. EC - does not like sharing

**86**

**Edward Cullen/does not like sharing**

"Hey, babe. Did you see where I left my wallet? The food will be here soon—"

"Edward! I came to see if you wanted to join your father and me for dinner."

Mom doesn't take her eyes off of Bella, who is wearing a pair of my boxers rolled up far too high for company and an old football jersey.

It looks like she isn't wearing pants.

Bella's face is flaming red as she shuffles past me to the bedroom.

I watch her shut the door with an embarrassed smile and turn to my mom.

"A call would have sufficed. Bella and I have plans."

As if on cue, the food arrives, and Mom's eyes widen at the amount of bags the guy is carrying.

Bella and I don't play when we veg out.

We can sit at the coffee table for hours.

We're professional gluttonous slobs.

It takes great effort to be as good as we are.

"Well ..."

Bella returns wearing a pair of her pajama pants and my jersey.

"We're having barbeque if you'd like to join us," she offers.

_What? No!_


	87. EC - epiphany

**87**

**Edward Cullen/epiphany**

Mom declines, and Bella decides that right now is the time to follow Renee's advice.

She wraps her arms around my waist and gives me a good squeeze, kissing my chest before giving my mother an innocent smile.

I fucking love her.

_Wait. What?_

"Maybe next time." My girlfriend, who I apparently love now, shrugs.

My mother just hums non-committedly and asks me to walk her to the door.

The door that's literally two feet away from where she stands.

"Okay ..."

"What is she doing here? Answering your door in her underwear no less?" Mom whisper-yells.

"Well, she's my girlfriend, so she tends to hang out with me sometimes, and she was technically in my underwear," I explain slowly.

I can hear Bella snort from the coffee table and flip her the bird behind my back.

"After dinner," she calls.

Mom gives a huff.

"We're going to talk about this later."

"Bye, Mom." I close the door in her face because slamming it would be rude and turn to Bella. "You are in so much trouble."

"Promises, promises."


	88. ER - surprise

**88**

**Edward Cullen/surprise**

Bella gets off easy.

Heh.

What I mean is that she gets to jet off to work while I explain to my seventy-year-old housekeeper how barbeque sauce got ground into the carpet.

I surely can't tell her that my girlfriend and I had kinky sex last night.

Kinky sex that involved messy food and Bella on her hands and knees.

"I didn't realize I'd dropped a rib until after I'd tracked it around." I hold up my cast. "The painkillers they put me on for this thing are no joke."

Kate tsks and tells me she'll do what she can.

I doubt she believes me, but it's … whatever.

I hide in my room while she works

Emmett calls to go over the itinerary.

It was his genius idea to surprise Bella.

She thinks we're going to see a movie, at a theater we haven't been banned from, but really, we're going to pick up the beast and Rosalie from the airport.

I've already warned Rosalie that the reunion is going to be dramatic and that it'll garner a lot of attention.

They don't disappoint.


	89. EC - it's like they planned this

**89**

**Edward Cullen/it's like they planned this**

We're waiting in baggage claim, and my girlfriend is far too excited to see another guy.

Bella is bouncing around, trying to see over the crowd.

"Calm down; their flight just landed," I tell her.

She elbows me in the gut and continues searching.

I see the top of Emmett's head and point him out at the same time his eyes fall on me.

"BELLA!" he bellows and everyone stops what they're doing.

"EMMETT!" she screams.

People part ways while the lunatics yell back and forth.

Rosalie is following behind Emmett with an amused smile and all of their carry-on bags.

When Bella finally makes it to Emmett, he drops down on one knee and produces a ring pop.

"I know it's sudden ... I know I'm set to marry that one"—he points to Rosalie and turns back to my girlfriend—"but baby, we can make this work. Say yes."

EVERYONE is staring.

Some people are horrified.

Others have their phones out, recording the display.

"People will talk. What with you being my brother and all."

"So?"

"Yes!"

I groan.


	90. EC - these two

**90**

**Edward Cullen/these two**

Rosalie and I have no choice but to drag all of their bags out to the parking garage.

Emmett's hands are full with my girlfriend.

I wouldn't be surprised if they're on the news after what just went down.

YouTube for sure.

"I thought I was prepared when the idiot bought that sucker, but boy was I wrong." Rose laughs.

"I tried to tell you."

Emmett tosses Bella into the front seat and informs me that I can have my girlfriend back.

"Gee, thanks."

We pile into the car, and Bella shoves her edible engagement ring in my face.

"Jealous?"

I take a lick.

"Nah. Strawberry isn't really my thing."

"Psh."

"Bella. I want you to meet someone," Emmett says, leaning between our seats.

"I'm flattered but put your dick away, Emmett," Bella replies casually.

Rosalie hasn't stopped laughing.

"Jesus."

I adjust my mirror and give her a sad smile.

"I tried to tell you."

"I know!" she cries.


	91. BS - grateful for her brother - fiancé

**I'm so sorry this is so late. I've been in and out of the hospital**

**91**

**Bella Swan/grateful for her brother/fiancé**

"Come to the party, Ali," I plead.

The girl looks terrible.

I need to get her drunk and laid in whatever order she prefers.

Pronto.

Alice broke it off with Jasper after a night full of Viagra-induced pleasure and hasn't been herself ever since.

"I'm not ready."

"I already triple checked with Rosalie, and he won't be there."

She adjusts her giant sunglasses and cradles her Starbucks.

We haven't had a client in a few days because I'm fairly certain it's not just coffee beans in that cup.

Doctor Brandon could lose her license.

I'm basically getting paid to be the annoying friend.

The "get yourself back out there" friend.

The "you can't get over him until you're under someone else" friend.

A loud knock on the front door lets me know that my backup has arrived.

"Waddup, bitches?"

Emmett does not disappoint.

Hot pink feather boa, a pushup bra over his sweater, and a giant bottle of spiced rum.

"Or should I say 'what's Kraken'?"

I love my BFF.


	92. BS - Emmett's a lightweight

**92**

**Bella Swan/Emmett's a lightweight**

"I don't get how life can be so unfair," Alice wails, bringing the half gallon bottle to her lips.

It's almost bigger than her, but she manages.

"Let it out," Emmett coos.

I'm starting to get a little weirded out.

He's playing the supportive girlfriend role a little too well.

Like he's drag queen convincing.

I cannot wait until Halloween next year.

The ideas. I have them.

"Why in the name of Abella Danger would I meet someone like him and then lose him just as quick?"

_Leave it to Alice to worship a porn star like it's a religion_

"Sweetie, you didn't lose him. You sent him away," I explain.

Alice glares.

Ruh-roh.

"This is all your fault."

"Whoa. I connected the dots so you wouldn't get blindsided that you happened to run in the same social circles."

Emmett cannot handle his liquor.

His face turns purple before he starts cackling like a hen.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just pictured Whitlock in a ball gag ... and I can't."

"I'm the one who wore the gag, Em," Alice mutters.


	93. BS - brain bleach, aisle one

**93**

**Bella Swan/brain bleach, aisle one**

I'm trying to remind myself why I called Emmett.

Alice is on the floor with her phone in one hand, an unlit cigarette in the other, and I think she threw up in her mouth a few minutes ago.

She's giving Emmett sex advice.

I hope he doesn't follow it.

Rosalie might kill him if he comes at her with ice cubes and a riding crop.

I need back up.

Emmett was my back up.

"If you have a secure beam above the bed, you can get the JutJoy. I don't know about your girl, but always check for the weight limit ..."

_Ew_

I'm the only sober one, and it sucks.

The things we do for our friends.

Alice better be able to recall this day when it comes time to give me a raise.

"... they are pretty cheap but don't try to save when it comes to a swing ..."

Edward doesn't pick up when I call.

"... he had to sell his beach house to pay for her injuries ..."

_Jesus Christ. I have got to get out of here._


	94. BS - does not get paid enough

**94**

**Bella Swan/does not get paid enough**

"You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals! So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!"

I have to hand it to Emmett.

His speaker system is bangin'.

I'm trying to navigate the streets in a giant yellow HumVee with the windows rolled down and two idiots in the backseat screaming Bloodhound Gang lyrics to the world.

For someone completely plastered, Alice can rap like nobody's business.

Emmett makes a show of bowing down to her, and the entire car swerves with his movements.

I turn down the volume; like that's going to help the situation.

Don't laugh at me. You know you do it too.

"Chill back there or we aren't going to Taco Bell," I threaten.

"Awe, man. She never lets us have any fun."

And now my drunken duo has turned into a pair of petulant children.

"She started locking the stock room after she found me giving myself some love one afternoon," Alice explains before breaking out in a pretty good impression of me. "That's why you have an office, Ali."


	95. BS - super smart , super tired

**95**

**Bella Swan/super smart, super tired**

I crawl into my bed and give a heavy sigh.

Those poor people at Taco Bell were not ready for the three of us.

Emmett thought it would be a great idea to order one of everything and then threw a fit when I told him that he could just share.

I got a sympathetic look from a lady with a hysterical toddler. That's how bad it was.

Alice decided that the chairs made her want to throw up so it was either the floor or the table.

I'll let you guess which one she chose.

We demolished most of the food, and then Emmett went all Oprah on everyone.

"You get a burrito; you get a burrito!"

I got them out of there before the cops showed up.

I told Alice I was taking the rest of the week off for a mental health break.

She probably won't remember it tomorrow, so I went a step further and recorded her agreeing to give me a paid vacation for the next three days.

I'm not stupid.


	96. EC - love sick fool

**96**

**Edward Cullen/love sick fool**

"I love you."

"Bella, I'm in love with you."

I stare at my reflection and crack my knuckles against my cast.

I jump around, trying to get myself pumped before stopping in front of the mirror again.

"Hey, pretty lady. I kind of love you, you know?"

_You're such a tool_

"My heart ... it's yours."

_As if you don't already come across as a pussy_

I give up.

It'll happen when it happens.

With my luck, I'll probably blurt it out through the bathroom door while she's peeing or something equally mortifying.

She's had a rough day, and I'm going to make it better.

I'm going to Bella's apartment.

The one with the creepy dolls.

Hopefully, her hobby hasn't bled into the bedroom because I have the makings for a bed picnic and my laptop, so we can Netflix and chill.

And I really mean the chill part.

She sounded exhausted when I talked to her.


	97. EC - welp

**97**

**Edward Cullen/welp**

"That bad, huh?" I ask when she opens the door in nothing but one of the many T-shirts she's acquired.

If she isn't destroying them, she's taking them.

I'm surprised I'm not running around topless.

"Yeah. Take bad and multiply it by a thousand." She waves me in.

"Ouch. I brought you something to make it all better."

Bella shrugs.

"Fine, but I'm exhausted, so you'll have to do all of the work. The bedroom's back there."

"I'm not talking about sex, Bella." I laugh and hold up my bags.

"Oh. Sorry. I'm fried."

She leads me past the living room of horror and into her bedroom.

Luck is on my side because it seems to be doll free.

"They're all in the living room, Edward."

I nod my head.

"Okay. Sit down. I brought presents."

Bella accepts the chocolate roses.

She appreciates the scented candle.

I get a laugh when I pull out a dozen boxes of candy and a bag of premade popcorn.

"You're a nut."

"I love you."

_Welp_


	98. EC - wait she does?

**98**

**Edward Cullen/wait ... she does?**

It takes her a minute to catch up with the three little words I blurted out as if I told her I wanted pizza for dinner.

"Me?" she points to herself.

_Here goes nothin'_

"Who else would I be talking to?"

"I don't know."

I toss the bag of candy down and start pulling my hair because, all of a sudden, I'm really fucking nervous.

"You love me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know."

_This is not going like I hoped it would_

"Don't freak out."

"I'm not freaking out." Bella climbs to her knees, shuffles across the bed, and throws her arms around me.

Her smile is blinding.

"I love you too."

Are we moving fast? Sure.

Will her parents be surprised? Not likely.

Is my mom going to shit a brick? Probably.

Should we slow it down? Fuck, no.

Are we in love? Damn straight!


	99. EC - not used to a girl's sense of time

**99**

**Edward Cullen/not used to a girl's sense of time**

"Babe, we're gonna be late!" I call down the hall.

"Shit! Okay, five more minutes. Can you bring me some ice?"

_What the fuck do girls do in the bathroom that requires this much time and an ice pack?_

I grab a few cubes, put them in a dish towel, and knock on the open door.

Bella frowns when she sees me and holds up her finger.

"I burned myself on my curling iron."

I should focus on her injury, but I'm too surprised by the scene in front of me.

There is girly shit everywhere.

The counters, the floor.

Even on the closed toilet seat.

"I'll clean it all up. I promise." Bella giggles.

I finally get a good look at her and damn, girl.

"Fuck it, let's call and cancel."

Her dress is short and black and covered in glitter.

"No. I've been working on this for ages."

She has a point.


	100. EC - love looks good and feels better

**100**

**Edward Cullen/love looks good and feels even better**

"Why am I not surprised that Emmett rented a bounce house for this?" Bella asks.

We've been here for about an hour and still haven't found our best friend or his fiancée yet.

"That's new. The Jell-o wrestling pool is not."

Bella watches the two half-naked girls wrestle around in red Jell-o and turns to me.

"How is Rosalie okay with this?"

"I'm used to it, Bella," Rosalie calls, waving us over to the bar. "We thought you guys weren't going to show. Love looks good on you."

My girlfriend and I break out in matching grins.

"Doesn't it though? We're one step away from matching tracksuits and finishing each other's sentences," Bella jokes. "Where's my betrothed? I have a bone to pick with him."

"He's upstairs trying to find something. We lock the doors on the second floor, but you're one of few who gets one of these." Rosalie produces a key on a string and puts it on Bella's neck. "Third door on the right. Bathroom. You can thank me later."

"Whaddup, party people!"

"Oh, my fucking God."


	101. BS - hammered

**101**

**Bella Swan/hammered**

I'm too far gone when I realize Edward's never seen me drunk.

I'm too far gone to care what he thinks at this point.

I blame Emmett.

It's all his fault.

He pre-gamed and made me catch up with him when he finally came downstairs dressed like Baby New Year. Lucky for everyone present Rosalie made him wear a nude bodysuit.

It's ten minutes until midnight and we lost our other halves, who are passing out flutes of champagne.

I'm riding around on Emmett's back in a pair of Rosalie's cycling shorts because Edward didn't want everyone seeing my ass and Emmett's giant hat.

Everything is blurry.

It's probably because I stole Rose's glasses at some point.

Have I mentioned I'm three sheets to the wind?

"Giddy up, horsey."

Emmett makes this weird sound in the back of his throat and takes off through the crowd.

"We have to find them, Em!" I yell in his ear. "I want my New Year's kiss."

"What is with the two of you and needing to piss?" he asks.

"Not piss! Kiss!"


	102. BS - the defiler

**102**

**Bella Swan/the defiler**

"Ung. Edward." I gasp as he thrusts into me with wild abandon.

Emmett and I found them right before the countdown began.

Our New Year's kiss turned into kisses and here we are.

Defiling the fuck out of the third door on the right.

The knob is going to leave a massive bruise on my thigh, but it's so worth it.

Fuck, yeah, it is.

"Baby, you have to be quiet." He grunts, taking over my mouth.

"Harder," I plead, biting his bottom lip so hard I taste blood.

_Whoops._

Someone knocks on the door at some point.

"Ocupado." I moan.

At least, I think I do.

Must not have because they knock again.

"In a minute!" Edward growls.

His hand finds my clit and holy shit!

I call his name, person on the other side of the door be damned.

"Fuck, Bella." He spills inside me and rests his sweaty forehead against mine.

"Happy New Year." I smile.

"The happiest."


	103. BS - has died please leave a message

**103**

**Bella Swan/has died ... please leave a message**

That's it.

I'm breaking my lease.

My new address is the spot on the floor in front of Edward's toilet.

Please forward all of my mail accordingly.

I dry heave and promise that I'll never drink again if this feeling would just disappear.

I lie.

But don't we all at some point in our lives?

Edward is calling words of encouragement from the living room.

He's a sympathetic puker.

Are we surprised?

I'm trying to figure out how to get to my phone, wherever I left it when we stumbled in at whatever the fuck o'clock.

I need my mom.

She makes this drink that smells like the devil's asshole but makes everything better.

High school me choked back a few glasses of her cure back in the day.

I'm crawling across the bathroom floor when I hear a loud knock.

And then stomping toward the front door.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" Edward asks.

I look to the ceiling.

"Not the mom I was talking about."


	104. BS - is this really happening?

**104**

**Bella Swan/is this really happening?**

She knows I'm here.

She knows I'm dying of alcohol poisoning.

"It's the first. I brought you a pot of black-eyed peas with okra—"

I'm back at the toilet and heaving until I think I'm going to turn inside out.

"Bella?" Esme asks.

I can almost picture the sneer on her face.

"Yeah, we got a little carried away last night."

Yeah, we did.

If by we you mean me.

If I wasn't super sore down below, I wouldn't recall Edward taking me against Rosalie's pretty third door on the right.

I'll never be able to smell vodka without remembering this moment.

The moment when I almost died. From the drinking or mortification, I don't know.

I'm never hanging out with Emmett ever again.

Stupid fathead.

A knock on the bathroom door.

"Bella?"

Is it just my still drunk brain or does she sound concerned?

"Uh. I'm naked."

The door opens, and her perfectly coiffed head pokes inside.


	105. BS - bless Esme Cullen

**105**

**Bella Swan/bless Esme Cullen**

She finds me lying on the bathroom floor, stark naked aside from the makeup from last night melting off my face.

"Vodka?" she asks, slipping inside and shutting the door.

"Yeah." I groan.

Esme produces a man's robe out of nowhere and helps me slip into it.

"Never could handle the clear stuff when I was younger," she tells me.

_Is this real life?_

_Seriously? Did I die on my boyfriend's bathroom floor and is spending the rest of eternity talking to his mother my personal hell?_

"It looks like you've gotten past the worst of it. Do you think you can stand up?"

I try to find my limbs, but they feel like the Jell-o Emmett kept pouring into the blow-up pool in his back yard last night.

"I honestly don't know."

"Let's try. I take it you have a toothbrush here?"

"Purple."

I'm like a newborn giraffe when I make it to my feet.

Esme helps me to the sink and hands me my toothbrush full of toothpaste.


	106. EC - body snatchers

**106**

**Edward Cullen/body snatchers?**

Bella and I sit at the table watching my mom flit around the kitchen.

I think we're in shock.

_Is this a New Year's miracle? Are those even a thing?_

She's being nice to Bella.

But for how long?

"From what your mom told me, we both make the same hangover cure, give or take a few ingredients."

Yeah, my mom called Renee.

And held a five-minute long conversation with her.

A civil five-minute long conversation.

I discreetly text my dad to make sure Mom didn't fall and hit her head in the middle of the night.

**No. At least I don't think she did.**

Hmm.

I'm confused as fuck.

I mean, I've heard of the whole"'New Year, new me" thing … but this?

This I can't wrap my head around.

Mom brings a big glass of ... shit to the table.

"Think you can manage it?" she asks my girlfriend.

"I'm willing to try anything."

I catch a whiff of the liquid and clamp my hand over my mouth and nose.

_Please don't tell me she's about to drink that._


	107. EC - Mom?

**107**

**Edward Cullen/Mom?**

Bella's passed out on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket my mom tucked around her body.

My mom tucked Bella in.

MY MOM!

"I put your beans in the microwave. Wait until she wakes up before you open the bowl to make sure she isn't going to be sick again," Mom tells me.

I watch her pull her gloves on.

"What?" she asks.

"What the hell is going on?" I demand. "What's your goal in all of this?"

"Language." Her eyes soften. "The holidays have been lonely without you, Edward. I know it's my fault, and I'm sorry."

I take a step back.

There's no way this woman is my mother.

I've never heard Esme Cullen apologize for anything. Ever.

"Stop being so dramatic."

"Sue me for being shocked."

"I can see that Bella is important to you, and I want to try to get to know her before I make assumptions."

I nod.

"She's more than important. I love her."

"I know you do, sweetheart. Why else would I have helped your naked girlfriend brush her teeth?"


	108. EC - nerd

**108**

**Edward Cullen/nerd**

Bella's still napping when he shows up looking about as terrible as she did when we woke up this morning.

"Mom made this foul concoction and left some on the stove. It seemed to work for her." I tell him and hug a cheerful Rosalie.

Looks like she found her glasses where we left them.

On the windowsill in her hall bathroom.

Emmett walks into the room and belches.

"That was disgusting."

He falls onto the couch and starts pulling at Bella's blanket.

"She's pretty much naked under there," I warn.

Emmett almost falls over the arm of the couch trying to get away from my girlfriend.

"Oh, get over yourself, Em." Rosalie rolls her eyes.

"I'll get another blanket for you and Scrabble for us."

Rose nods and starts clearing the kitchen table.

"You two nerds have fun. I'm just going to rest my eyes."

I throw the blanket at his head.

"Ow, fuck you, dude."

He's asleep before we've even unboxed the game.


	109. EC - sore loser

**109**

**Edward Cullen/sore loser**

Rosalie beats my ass three times in a row and is taking a victory lap around my apartment when Bella wakes up.

"What's goin' on?"

"Rosalie is just proving that she's a bigger geek than I am," I explain, pulling her out of her blanket cocoon. "How are you feeling?"

She glares at the snoring lump on the end of the couch.

"I feel great. I need a shower and something filled with grease. Give me twenty minutes and I'll school you both."

"I'll go pick up lunch. " Rosalie kisses Bella's cheek and bounces out of the door.

Yeah, she's going to ride that last win for a while.

There are few things worse than a biology major on a winner's high.

"Wanna join me?" Bella asks.

I'm pulling my shirt over my head and following her down the hall.

"I'll take that as a yes." She giggles.

"No hanky panky. I can live the rest of my life happily without hearing Edward's orgasm voice ever again." Emmett groans.

"So it was you who kept knocking!"

"Shut up and go put some clothes on."


	110. EC - love grows and so do erections

**110**

**Edward Cullen/love grows and so do erections**

"I thought Rosalie was competitive," Emmett mutters.

He goes back to attempting to make a house of cards and ignores what's happening at the other end of the table.

Bella is dancing around Rosalie and screaming.

"I win! You lose! I win! You lose!"

My girlfriend is insane.

I still love her.

The creepy doll collecting, french fries dipped in mustard eating lunatic has wormed her way into my heart in a permanent kind of way.

I'll happily hand over my mancard to admit that fact.

The thing you're willing to do for the people you love.

It's like the more things I learn about her the deeper my feelings grow.

Like right now, for instance.

A triumphant Bella is a horny Bella.

"Time for visitors to leave so we can make use of this big oak table," she tells our friends.

She opens the door, shoves them out, and then remembers that they brought things.

Like their coats and shoes.

"Sorry!" I call.

I lie.


	111. BS - used to like surprises

**111**

**Bella Swan/used to like surprises**

When I show up at work on January second, I hold my breath and set my stuff on my desk.

That's when Alice decides to pounce.

"Bella!"

"Yeah?" I ask.

I'm truly afraid of her.

"It's bonus time. You're my only employee, and I appreciate everything you do for me in and out of the office. So here."

She thrusts a medium-sized box in my hands and sets an envelope on top of it.

Mom always taught me to open cards before gifts so ...

"Is this real?"

That's a lot of zeros for an assistant who measures people's pupillary distances and talks them out of Harry Potter-esque glasses.

They don't look good on anyone. Except for the boy wizard.

"Duh. The second box is to show my appreciation for our friendship." She heads for her office. "Feel free to use the stock room."

"Okay ..."

The display across from me doesn't stand a chance.

Glasses are everywhere, and in the middle of the wreckage is a dildo the size of my calf.

"What the fuck?"


	112. BS - will not quit her job today

**112**

**Bella Swan/will not quit her job today**

Alice looks surprised when I burst into her office and throw the giant sex toy at her face.

I'm glad it misses.

Because it probably would have killed her.

Lucky for me, I just got a bonus so I can afford to pay for the window the massive dong just crashed through.

"What the hell?" I demand.

"What?"

She's playing the innocent card.

"Why would you give me that?"

She pokes her head through the broken window and turns back to me.

"You said Edward was hung so I just thought."

"Okay, let's get a few things straight."

Alice nods.

"For one, we don't use toys. It's a personal preference that we agree on."

"Okay."

"Two, I said he was hung like a horse not that his dick was the size of one."

"That's not even the biggest one the site offered."

"Oh, for the love of God."

"What?"

"Who are you and what have you done to the chick who wanted to jump off a cliff last week?"

"I got married."


	113. BS: slow on the uptake

**113**

**Bella Swan/slow on the uptake**

"Huh?"

"Yeah."

She shows me her left hand, and sure enough, there's a thin gold band on her ring finger.

"Please tell me you know this guy."

"I do ... and so does your boyfriend."

"Jasper?"

Alice nods.

"You're looking at Mrs. Alice Whitlock."

"You married Jasper?"

"Sure did."

"Edward's scout Jasper?"

"Yes, Bella."

"Huh."

"I went to the bar where we met to ring in the New Year, and he happened to be there too. I tried avoiding him, but he was persistent. We had a screaming match in the alley, and he just popped the question. I said yes, obviously."

"So you went from being the girl who couldn't screw a guy who went to the same Starbucks as you to marrying a guy you barely share an acquaintance with?"

"I thought you of all people would understand."

I'm just staring at her when the bell above the door rings.

"That's your first patient of the day. Should I cancel the appointment?"

"No. Of course not. Send them on back."


	114. BS - that's disappointing

**114**

**Bella Swan/that's disappointing**

It's finally Friday, and I've survived the strangest week of my entire life.

But it's not over.

Nope.

Because nothing is ever quick and easy for Bella.

I'm sitting next to my boyfriend and across from the woman who, up until Monday, completely hated my guts.

She offers me a smile.

"Edward mentioned something about your boss marrying Jasper Whitlock over the holidays."

I nod my head.

And then I remember my manners.

"Yes, ma'am," I say as if this lady didn't see me dying on a bathroom floor in the buff.

"What are the chances?"

Oh, I see what she's doing.

I should have known her new lease on life was a farce.

Esme Cullen's digging for dirt.

It's too bad for her that I also own a shovel.

"Completely coincidence. She mentioned his name in casual conversation one day, and we put two and two together."

Edward nods.

"It's a small town, so it's not really that surprising."

Edward doesn't see what's going on. He's still jazzed because school started back up this week.


	115. BS - thank you, Carlisle

**115**

**Bella Swan/thank you, Carlisle**

The subject of the surprise nuptials is dropped for about five seconds before she's back at it.

"That's funny, I talked to Jasper at Edward's last game, and he didn't mention he was seeing someone."

Mom's voice whispers in my ear.

"_Prove her wrong."_

I drop my fork and put my hand over Edward's, giving it a good squeeze.

"It's a whirlwind relationship for sure. But when you know, you know. Right, baby?"

My clueless boyfriend gives me a goofy grin.

"I do know."

_Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Esme Cullen!_

She's pissed.

I can see her mask slipping.

Carlisle wipes his mouth and turns to me.

"This has been pestering me since Edward told us that the two of you started dating."

I'm not sure I can handle both parents giving me the cold shoulder at once, but what choice do I have?

"Ask away."

I hold my breath.

"How did you end up in the ER that night? I saw a bandage on your leg."


	116. EC - scaredy-cat-raccoon

**116**

**Edward Cullen/scaredy cat, raccoon**

Bella snorts.

"I have a rational fear of trash pandas."

Dad looks confused.

"Raccoons," I explain.

He nods.

"Yeah. Raccoons. I don't know where it stems from," she says. "I think it's all of the rabies stories they tell you as a kid to keep you from approaching wild animals."

"Probably." Dad grins.

He finds her adorable.

So do I.

"My car was in the shop, so I had no choice but to walk home. Ubers freak me out. I mean, anyone can become a driver."

"Says the girl who willingly got in a car with Emmett after knowing him for only a couple of hours." I chuckle.

Bella sticks her tongue out at me.

"Anyway, I tried to take a shortcut, and I saw a pair of glowing eyes. Before I knew it, I was hanging upside down on a privacy fence. My leg got caught on a broken piece of wood, and my jeans were holding me up. The raccoon turned out to be a cat."

Dad tries hard to maintain his composure and fails miserably.


	117. EC - so much for that

**117**

**Edward Cullen/so much for that**

"I'm glad I can amuse you, Carlisle." Bella smirks.

Dad's sitting at the head of the table, clutching his stomach and wheezing.

I wrap my arm around my girl.

"I haven't seen him this laid back in ... well, ever, really."

"I tend to bring out the best in people," she states confidently.

Yeah, she does.

My mom stands up and starts gathering plates.

"I'll be back with dessert and coffee," she mutters.

Bella starts to stand up.

"Let me help."

"No. I'm sure I can manage just fine on my own."

Mom's smile is forced.

And here I thought we were past all this.

"Mom," I warn.

Bella squeezes my arm.

"I insist, Esme." She grabs our plates and heads for the kitchen without another word.

Mom scowls.

"Seriously?" I ask.

She just shakes her head and walks out of the room.

Dad's all serious now as he holds a finger up to his mouth.


	118. EC - GO, BELLA

**118**

**Edward Cullen/GO, BELLA!**

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

Like it's so silent they can't be moving in there.

Bella's the first to talk.

"It's obvious that New Year's was an act," she says. "So let's hash out whatever this is. Right here, right now."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on, lady. You spent an hour coddling me on New Year's, and now you're acting like I'm not good enough to scrape the food off your dirty plates. Literally. You got beef with me? Then let's go."

"You aren't good enough for my son."

"Says you. Apparently, he thinks differently."

Mom scoffs.

"He's still young. He doesn't know what's good for him."

"And you do?"

"He deserves an equal. Not some bloodsucking leach who will drain him when the relationship goes stale."

"Well, that's a load of bullshit if I've ever heard one."

"I know your type."

I try to stand up, but Dad stops me.

"It's time your mother was put in her place, don't you think, son?"

"Fuck off, Esme!"


	119. EC - pretending he didn't hear anything

**119**

**Edward Cullen/pretending he didn't hear anything**

"How dare you speak to me—"

"How dare I? You've got to be kidding me." Bella laughs. "You think just because your bank account is loaded that you're so much better than the rest of the world, and it couldn't be further from the truth."

"So, it is about money."

"For the love— This has nothing to do with money, you spoiled, rich bitch."

Dad coughs on his brandy.

My smile is almost painful.

"You need to leave."

"Gladly. I'll take Edward with me and not because he drove me here."

I think Bella gets in my mom's face.

I wish I could see through the wall separating us.

"I love your son with all of my heart, and I'm not going to let your self-entitlement come between us. Ever. So get used to seeing me around, Mrs. Cullen. Because unless he tells me to leave, I'm not going anywhere."

_It's time to go._

Bella throws the kitchen door open and stomps into the room.

Her eyes are wild with fury, but they soften when she sees me.

"Ready to go, babe?"


	120. EC - horny

**120**

**Edward Cullen/horny ... always**

Bella's sitting on the end of the couch with her arms crossed.

She hasn't said anything since we got home.

All I've gotten out of her was a grunt when I asked her if she wanted to come back to my place.

I have no fucking idea how to handle this.

I kind of want to screw her brains out, but what does that say about me?

That I'm a dude who enjoys being inside his girlfriend, and a douche for wanting that after everything that just went down.

"Your mom's a bitch," she finally says.

To my blank TV screen.

"Tell me something I don't know."

She huffs and turns to me.

"She really pissed me off."

I nod.

"You are not rock hard right now!"

"I am."

"Dude."

"Yeah. I'm not sure how to take it either."

Bella pulls her sweater over her head and starts for the bedroom.

"Let's go. I need something to take my aggression out on before I start punching walls."

"Wait, you're going to hit me? Violence is never the answer, Bella."

"Get naked, Edward."


	121. BS - but my dolls

**121**

**Bella Swan/but my dolls ...**

Alice calls me at butt-fuck-o'clock in the morning to inform me that the office will be closed for the next week while she goes on her honeymoon.

I have to cut her off when she starts talking about a playroom and how excited she is to try some contraption that Jasper paid extra for.

I have to go in later so I can rearrange her schedule.

She's a terrible business owner, but my paychecks clear, so I'm good.

Edward begs me to come back to his apartment when I'm done.

"I'll be home around three."

"I need to at least make sure the electricity is still on at home, so pack a bag and meet me there?"

I've been neglecting things, and as much as I know he hates my Living Dead Dolls, if I don't keep their boxes in good condition, they will depreciate in value.

I plan on sending my kids to college with my collection one day.

You can always find a freak with a doll collection.

Until then, I'll be the creepy girl with the creepy hobby.

"Okay ..."


	122. BS - deserves a raise

**122**

**Bella Swan/deserves a raise**

It's probably not a surprise to anyone that the security code is sixty-nine sixty-nine.

I mean, Alice owns the building.

If she was a normal boss, I'd sit at her fancy desk and reschedule appointments, but she isn't, so I'm not.

Instead, I sit at my desk and utilize my headset.

"Yes, Mrs. Spencer. I apologize, but Doctor Whitlock is out of town for the week."

"Yes, ma'am, it's the same person. She got married over the holidays."

"Of course, you can tell her yourself when you come in on the ..."

Trying to explain the situation to people is a lot more exhausting than I thought it would be.

I mean, I'm still in my pajamas.

I didn't think it would take hours, but it did.

Most patients were understanding, but some of them were not.

I was asked to fax patient files over to other offices a few times.

I'm standing in line at Chipotle, trying to decide whether or not I want guac, when my phone rings.

"Do you want a burrito?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"


	123. BS - human popsicle

**123**

**Bella Swan/human popsicle**

The power is on at my apartment.

The heat is not.

It's freezing.

I call maintenance, and they tell me they'll get to it.

No time frame.

Change in temperature is bad for cardboard, and that's what my dolls are encased in so ...

I'm fucked.

Edward is destroying his burrito while I pull my laptop out.

Of course, right when I need to use the damn thing, it decides that it's time to install a hundred different updates.

I growl and slam the lid down.

"What's up?"

"I need to find a climate controlled storage unit for my dolls or the boxes will be destroyed. A-hah! Alice. I'm sure she'll let me keep them in one of the exam rooms. It's just until the heat gets fixed."

I start rummaging through the mess of junk mail on the table for my phone.

"Just box them up, and we'll put them in my guest bedroom."

"What?"

Edward shrugs.

"Toxic Molly is starting to grow on me. You can keep them at my place until everything gets situated. But you aren't staying here either. You'll catch pneumonia."


	124. BS - my little nerd

**124**

**Bella Swan/my little nerd**

I think I've officially converted Edward.

He's willingly helping me pack away my dolls.

And by helping, I mean he keeps getting distracted by the chipboard poems.

He holds up Lizzie Borden.

"That one is actually clever."

"Lizzie was my first doll. Mom got her for me when I was nine."

"Your mom is just as crazy as you are. Who buys these for a child?"

"I wasn't a normal kid."

"Obviously."

I toss the tape gun to him.

"Let me guess, you collected baseball cards when you were little? Cliché and boring."

Edward frowns.

"If you must know, I collected Pokémon cards."

I laugh.

"God, Emmett wasn't kidding when he said you were a nerd."

"We didn't even meet until we were in college. He makes assumptions because he's a dumbass."

"But he was right in this instance. Do you still have them?"

"No. I traded my entire collection for a Playboy magazine when I was fifteen."

"Why am I not surprised?"


	125. BS - she wanna Bee Drilled

**125**

**Bella Swan/she wanna Bee Drilled**

All of the boxes are packed safely away in Edward's now locked guest room.

He insisted.

Because as amused as he was by the little poems on the boxes, he's still scared of my toys.

He's a nut.

Edward's pouring a glass of lemonade when I walk into the kitchen.

"Hey, sexy."

He raises an eyebrow in question.

"Come to the bedroom. I wanna take a peek-ah-choo."

He throws his head back and groans.

"I'm never living this down, am I?"

"Come on. If you're lucky, I'll let you get into my Wiggly Puff."

"That sounds disgusting."

I frown.

"Yeah, that was sort of gross." I hold up my phone. "Google let me down on this one."

"No more Pokemon jokes."

"Oh, come on. I had one about a Cloister ... Nevermind; that sounds gross when I say it out loud."

"Serves you right." He sips his drink.

"Fine. I give up. Come do me."


	126. EC - uh-oh

**126**

**Edward Cullen/uh-oh**

Bella's frustrated.

Not sexually. I make sure to keep my girl satisfied in that department.

She's pissed because her building supervisor still hasn't gotten around to fixing her heat.

I give her a logical solution.

Every ounce of anger she has for this Embry dude is now directed toward me.

Fuck my life.

"No, Edward," she says.

"It's been two weeks, and your houseplants have frozen to death. You can't go back there."

She finishes tying her shoes and stands up.

The glare on this woman makes my stomach hurt.

"Then I'll find another apartment."

"Or you could just move in with me."

She stares at me for a minute.

"You aren't stupid, so stop acting like it."

"What? It makes sense. You practically live here anyway. Besides, all of your friends are right down the hall."

"I don't have time for this. I'm already late for work." She starts bundling up. "Don't bother coming for lunch. I'm going to look at apartments during my break."

_That didn't go exactly as I planned ... but when has anything?_


	127. EC - reinforcements

**127**

**Edward Cullen/reinforcements**

I meet with Emmett after class.

"Sup, fucker?"

"I need help."

"I'll get the duct tape, shovel, and an alibi. You're in charge of the tarp and the tub. Watch that episode of Breaking Bad to figure out what kind we need. Do not Google it. I'll go find Rosalie and let her know we need chemicals."

"Jesus Christ, you are way too prepared for murder."

He shrugs.

"What else am I supposed to think about while I'm taking a dump?"

I grimace.

"I need help with Bella."

"Shit. Why didn't you just say so? What's going on?"

I tell him about our conversation this morning.

"I don't get why she's so pissed. Half of her apartment is already in mine anyway."

"Dude. She just had a fight with your mom about her freeloading off of you, and you're coming at her with this. If I know anything about my BFF, I know that she isn't going to do anything to add fuel to the fire."

"I don't give a shit what my mom thinks. This is between me and Bella."


	128. EC - just wants a roommate

**128**

**Edward Cullen/just wants a roommate**

When Bella gets home, she has a stack of brochures and applications in her hands.

They fall to the floor when she sees what I've been up to since my talk with Emmett.

Rosalie and I have been installing shelves on my living room walls for a couple of hours now. Emmett was doing more harm than good, so we sent him to pick up dinner while we worked.

"What is this?" Bella demands.

"We're building shelves for your dolls."

A low growl rumbles from the back of her throat, so I drop my drill and approach her.

"I get it. Agreeing to move in with me will just give my mom more reasons to hate our relationship."

"Then why are you fighting for this so much?"

"Because I love you. Fuck what the rest of the world says."

"Just so you know, Bella," Rosalie stands up and adjusts her glasses. "This is more romantic than Emmett's entire proposal."

"He stuck the ring in a hotdog," I explain.

"Ew."

"I had to have surgery," Rose says. "And I said yes."


	129. EC - Emmett and Rose's story

**129**

**Edward Cullen/Emmett and Rose's story**

"Technically, she said yes in the recovery room. They brought her the ring in a specimen bag," Emmett explains, mouth full of Chinese food.

Bella grimaces.

"The idea was cute considering we met at the concession stand during one of his games in high school," Rosalie adds. "I was there to support my twin brother Royce, who was on the opposing team, and Em made a comment about my team sweater making me look fat."

I chuckle because I'm familiar with the story.

"She crammed her hotdog in my face followed by her soda. I got benched for the rest of the game."

Rosalie giggles.

"So he came to find me in the stands full of Raven fans."

"Wearing Lions gear. She was mortified."

"And the idiot thought that taking his jersey off would make things better. I went from being the traitor bitch to the weirdo sitting next to a half-naked jock in two-point-seven seconds. It was mortifying."

"She got over it though."

"Obviously." Bella laughs. "So, Saturday around eight?"

"I'll spring for breakfast." I smile.

_She couldn't resist my charm_


	130. EC - it's official

**130**

**Edward Cullen/it's official**

"Remind me why I agreed to this," Bella whispers.

We're waving goodbye to Emmett and Rosalie, who are dropping off the moving truck.

Bella agreed to move in with me.

I'm still in shock.

"I think it was seeing how much fun those two crazies have together that changed your mind." I point to the taillights.

"Their relationship is definitely one for the books."

"Ours is pretty spectacular."

Bella snorts.

"If you ever try to hide a surprise in food and I wind up in the hospital, just move out of the country. Because the second I come to, I'll hunt you down and kill you."

"Duly noted. Let's go. Eric is expecting us."

The super of my building isn't a bad guy, just kind of sheltered.

He lives on the top floor and mostly talks about video games

He's staring at my girl.

"Isabella Swan." He looks up from the paperwork. "Beautiful Swan. Fitting."

_This ought to be good_

Bella rolls her eyes and hands him back his pen.

"Beautifully taken, Mr. Yorkie." She smiles.


	131. BS - work drunk - drunk at work

**131**

**Bella Swan/work drunk ... drunk at work**

"What happened to us?" Alice asks, passing me the bottle of wine.

I dig my spoon in the gallon of ice cream we're sharing and take a swig.

"Seriously? We used to be two single chicks who enjoyed an occasional ride on the bologna express."

I choke and cock a brow.

"One of us enjoyed more than an occasional ride on that train, honey."

Alice's eyes roll, and she snatches the bottle from me.

"What I mean is, when did we become so domesticated?"

I shrug and go back to finding the chunks of cookie dough in the ice cream.

"I don't know about you, but I fell in love."

"I love Jasper," Alice defends.

"I didn't say you don't."

Our last two appointments canceled.

The roads are icy, and what good is good vision if you're dead?

We're stuck at the office, and my boss just happened to have supplies at the ready.

"Maybe it's because we're getting old. Are you doing your Kegel exercises we talked about?"

"I'm twenty-four, and that's none of your business!"


	132. BS - so much commitment talk

**132**

**Bella Swan/so much commitment talk**

Alice hisses.

"Touchy, touchy. It's important for women to work their pelvic floor. Especially when they're frequently screwing a dude with a giant wang."

"Jesus. Alice."

"Sorry. I'll stop."

She throws her spoon into the fast melting bucket.

"Have you and Edward talked about having kids?"

"I just talked myself into living with him on a permanent basis. I don't think I can handle any more commitment right now." I point to the wine bottle in her clutches. "You and Jasper?"

"God, no. We both can't stand little humans. He's contemplating getting a vasectomy, but I read somewhere that if the procedure goes wrong, he could become impotent. That's a big risk factor."

"I'm sure the percentage of that happening isn't all that great."

Alice shrugs.

"Do you think about having kids?"

I think back to that first night in Edward's apartment and how I freaked out at the mere thought.

But time has changed me.

He has changed me.

"Maybe somewhere down the road ... like way down the road. I know I want a couple, but I'm in no hurry."


	133. BS - mammary glands

**133**

**Bella Swan/mammary glands**

Heavy topics like the strength of my pelvic floor and having children turns into drunken giggling fits over whose nipples are weirder.

Yeah, no one said we're mature.

Alice has her shirt pulled over her head like Beavis, her bra pulled down, and she's trying very hard to look at her nipple.

But her boobs are practically nonexistent.

"Ugh. Take a picture of it for me."

"I'm not taking a picture of your tits, Ali. The Cloud is forever."

"There are far worse things on my phone than a boob. Just do it."

"No. Use your phone."

"It's all the way in my office," she whines.

We both look at her office.

It's a ways away.

A mere fifteen feet.

Still.

"Fine."

It takes ten tries until my wine-drunk brain manages to take a good pic.

We compare pictures, and Alice wins by far.

"Why is it shaped like that?" I ask, zooming in.

"My OB says that it's normal. Nipples are like snowflakes." She pouts.

"Okay ... we gotta figure out how we're getting home."


	134. BS - best grooms-woman

**134**

**Bella Swan/best grooms-woman**

"Thanks for the ride!" I yell over the loud music.

World's best not an uber driver smiles and turns down the volume.

"That's what he said."

I give Emmett a big grin.

"Not yet, but he will."

His smile falls.

"Why do you have to go and make everything weird?"

"It's a talent."

"It's strange. You're both my best friends but hearing about your sex life is disgusting."

"What can you do about it?" I grab my bag and stumble out of his SUV.

The one with the snow tires.

"I actually have a serious question for you."

"I'm not going to give you grooming ideas to surprise Rosalie on your wedding night. I love you and all, but I don't want to know anything about your junk."

Emmett cackles.

"No. For real. Rose wants even numbers, so I was going to have my cousin fill the spot of my last groomsman. I'd rather you take it. Please?"

"On one condition."

He nods.

"I get to wear a tux."

"I'll talk to Rosalie."


	135. BS - hero

**135**

**Bella Swan/hero**

Edward's pouting.

My guy is upset because I foiled his plans.

Well, I actually saved the entire building from an explosive fire.

If I wouldn't have tried to surprise him by hitching a ride with Emmett earlier than he thought I was, I probably wouldn't have a boyfriend anymore.

Or a place to live.

Or my collection of dolls.

"How was I supposed to know you can't put them in the microwave?"

It takes everything in me not to laugh in his face.

"Honey, you can't microwave metal, and what do you think the handles on the cartons are made of?"

His face is bright red, and he hasn't touched his dinner.

The dinner he tried to surprise me with.

But it got cold, and he thought he'd warm it up in the microwave when I called him to ask if he'd gotten the mail yet.

I caught him right before he hit start.

"I'm not hungry."

I can see that this is going to take bribery.

"Edward, grow up. It's a simple mistake. Eat your dinner, and I'll give you head afterward."

_Bingo. _


	136. EC - about that

**136**

**Edward Cullen/about that ...**

We've been cohabitating for a few weeks when Dad calls, inviting me out to lunch.

It's Sunday, and we usually spend it together, but Bella insists that I go while she performs routine maintenance on her dolls.

"You'll be bored watching me dust boxes," she explains.

"Not if you did it topless."

She kisses me goodbye and tells me to bring her home something sweet.

Dad's already at the restaurant when I arrive.

"Edward, my boy. It's been ages."

I want to tell him that it's all his wife's fault, but he seems like he's in a good mood, and I don't want to ruin it.

He's married to her, so he has to know.

"You look good. How are things?"

"Good. Gearing up for graduation. I'm scheduled to take the certification course and test after, so they're expecting me to start at the end of June, beginning of July."

He swirls his brandy around and leans back in his chair with an easy smile.

"You aren't going to take time off to enjoy your freedom? Take a vacation with Bella?"

"Yeah, about that ..."


	137. EC - Carlisle

**137**

**Edward Cullen/Carlisle**

I don't know why it's so hard to tell my dad that Bella and I are living together.

He's sipping his brandy and waiting for me to come out with it.

"What is said at this table is between you and me, Edward. Your mom thinks I'm out playing golf."

I frown.

Because it shouldn't be like this.

Hiding our meeting because his wife doesn't like the choices I'm making with my life.

"You and Bella haven't ended things because your mother can't pull the stick out of her ass, have you?"

"No. It's the opposite actually. Bella moved in just before Valentine's Day."

Dad's face breaks out in a big smile.

"That's wonderful. How are you dealing with sharing your space with a woman?"

I shrug.

"She practically lived with me before we made it official. I like having her close."

"And Bella? How is my favorite raccoon hunter?" He chuckles.

"She's good. Wait until you see her hobby. You'll question her fear of raccoons; trust me."

"Oh, this I have to see."

Lunch is canceled.


	138. EC - put a shirt on

**138**

**Edward Cullen/put a shirt on**

I can hear the music before the elevator doors open.

She's insane.

Luckily, Dad stopped to pick up a couple of pizzas for lunch, so I have time to prepare her.

I'm glad he isn't with me.

"_She hit the floor. Next thing you know, shawty got low, low, low—"_

I pause the stereo, and Bella gives a surprised squeak.

"Whatcha doin'?" I ask.

"Dusting my dolls."

She's blushing from her head to her toes.

I know this because she's practically naked.

"If I knew you were going to clean like this"—I wave my hand toward her—"I would have canceled with Dad and stayed."

Bella bites her lip.

"I got hot, and I can't sweat on the boxes."

"You are so full of shit."

She throws her rag down and jumps into my arms.

"I was standing by the window and saw you pull into the lot. My clothes are behind the couch."

"As much as I hate to say this, you need to put them back on because we're expecting company."

"We are?"

"Dad wants to see you."


	139. EC - bad idea

**139**

**Edward Cullen/bad idea**

"These poems are pretty clever."

Bella smiles widely my way.

"I'm considering getting them insured."

I am never going to live down trying to microwave Chinese food.

"This one I found at a horror convention that my mom and I attended right after I graduated. She isn't in the best condition, but I had to have her."

I roll my eyes and grab some drinks.

"Ready to eat?"

They both turn and glare at me.

"I think this is unique and fits you perfectly," Dad says, putting a box back down. "I knew you were a strange duck the second I saw you."

Bella gives a curtsey and laughs.

"Proud creep at your service."

Lunch is comical.

Bella tells Dad about my first encounter with her dolls, and he gives her a couple of stories about my childhood.

"The boy refused to wear clothes from age two to four. He'd strip in the middle of the market."

My girlfriend turns to me, unphased by the fact that my father is sitting right next to her.

"Where's that Edward? I want a refund!"


	140. EC - nudist

**140**

**Edward Cullen/nudist**

"What are you doing?"

"You said you wanted naked Edward, so." I point to my dick.

Bella laughs.

"Don't get me wrong, I love it when you're naked, but I don't think this is the right time for that."

I must look confused.

"You promised me that we could watch a chick flick tonight. It's got great reviews, and I really want to see it." Bella pouts.

I pull my pants up and expertly zip and button them.

Learning to do things with a cast gets easier by the day, but hopefully, I'll be out of this thing soon.

Bella sets us up with a bunch of supplies because my girl knows what I like.

She drops a big bowl of popcorn in my lap and snuggles into my side.

"I won't judge you if you shed a tear or two."

"I think I'll manage."

She hits play.

I dump the entire bowl on her head.

"What?"

"I highly doubt Pokemon The Movie: I Choose You is a chick flick. You're sleeping on the couch."

Bella cackles and follows me down the hall.


	141. BS - couch

**141**

**Bella Swan/couch**

"Hmph." I fall onto the couch and cover myself up with the comforter I stole off our bed.

If he's going to make me sleep out here, I'm not going to make it easy on him.

I took all of the real pillows and left the tiny decorative ones too.

I can't believe he kicked me out of the bedroom over a little joke.

Okay, he's repeatedly asked me to stop picking on him about the Pokemon thing, but I couldn't resist.

And now I'm sleeping on my couch where it's lonely and a little creepy.

It's like every single doll is staring at me from their shelves.

I sort of get Edward's hangup on them now.

I'll never tell.

The bedroom door opens so slowly I can hear the long creak it makes.

We have got to oil that thing.

"Bella?"

I pretend that I'm sleeping.

Until Edward tries to lift me up.

He could probably do it effortlessly if he didn't have that damn cast.

But he does, and he dumps me on the goddamn floor.


	142. BS - bloody hell

**142**

**Bella Swan/bloody hell**

"What the hell, Edward?" I groan.

Everything hurts.

It feels warm and wet under my sleep shirt.

_Fuck_

"I am so sorry." He drops to his knees.

"You better be."

He helps me stand and follows me down the hall so I can assess the damage.

One look at my bloody shirt and he turns white as a ghost.

"Go wait in the living room. I can't handle this, and you fainting at the same time," I tell him. "It's not as bad as it looks."

By the time I've doctored up my elbow and cleaned everything up, Edward has moved all of the bedding back to the room.

He apologizes a dozen times.

I could tell him that I was pretending to be asleep, but where would the fun be in that?

"I think you should get me a bowl of ice cream to make up for throwing me on the floor."

"I didn't throw you. My feet got tangled, and I dropped you."

"Semantics. I think you should let me watch my movie too."

"Don't make me throw you again."


	143. BS - strippers and mortarboards

**143**

**Bella Swan/strippers and mortarboards**

Part of stepping in as a groomsman for Emmett is that I get some say in his bachelor party.

I don't know if Edward is relieved that he doesn't have to plan it all alone or if he's annoyed.

I talked to Rosalie, and she gave me permission to surprise the beast with strippers.

Tasteful strippers she said.

_Heh_

I'm putting Google to work when Edward gets home from class.

"Guess what?" he asks.

His voice holds a special amount of excitement, and I can't help but smile at him.

"What?"

"I got my cap and gown today." He thrusts a bag into my hands.

"Are you allowed to decorate the top of your caps?"

"Yeah, but I'm not going to."

"Awe, come on! I have a bunch of Pinterest posts saved."

"If you say that even one of your ideas is Pokemon related, I'll toss you out of that window." He points to the biggest window in the apartment.

I pout.

Edward snatches his bag back.

Graduation is fast approaching, and my guy is excited.


	144. BS - something special

**144**

**Bella Swan/something special**

Alice and I spend a Saturday afternoon hunting down the perfect graduation gift for Edward, and I am coming up short.

"What about a business card holder? That's what my parents got me when I graduated. I still use it."

I shake my head.

"That won't do. I want it to mean something."

"Oooh. Why don't you get some erotic glamour shots done? You can wear his cap and gown."

"Alice, come on."

This is what I imagine shopping with Emmett is like.

We pass a Fossil store, and I stop.

"His left hand will never regain full functionality. What if I decorated it with something fancy?"

Alice is looking down at her phone, probably looking up erotic photographers for herself.

"You're going to propose to him?"

"NO! A watch. I'm getting him a watch."

Two hours later, I have my order placed.

It would have taken twenty minutes online, but whatever.

He's going to love it.

Hopefully, at least half as much as I love him.


	145. BS - might cry

**145**

**Bella Swan/might cry**

Things couldn't be going better.

Edward is three weeks away from graduation.

His watch arrived and is locked in Alice's safe at work.

We're sitting in Dr. Volturi's office, waiting for him to go over Edward's latest x-rays.

"Graduation is coming up. Big plans?"

My boyfriend nods and explains the profession he's going into.

"Sounds interesting." the doctor says.

I really hope Edward is out of his cast before graduation. I mean, he can wear the watch on his right hand but I want it to be special.

I have my fingers crossed in my lap.

"Everything looks good. You have a long road ahead when it comes to rehab and physical therapy but I think you've graduated from casts." Dr. Volturi explains after he's thoroughly poked and prodded my boyfriend's hand.

"Really?"

"Yes. I have a brace I want you to wear when you're sleeping or doing anything strenuous and I want you in P.T. as soon as possible."

It's weak but for the first time ever I get to hold my boyfriend's left hand and it means the world to me.


	146. EC - graduate

**146**

**Edward Cullen/graduate**

Four years.

Roughly forty-eight months.

Almost two-hundred and nine weeks, and approximately one thousand four hundred and sixty days.

That's how long I've spent being an official college student.

Killing myself over my studies and putting my body through the wringer to keep up with football.

Now it's over.

And all I've got to show for it is a piece of paper and the girl of my dreams.

I'd do every hour, every second of it again if it meant having her for the rest of my life.

Right now, she's standing across the room, wearing my cap, and she's talking animatedly with my best friend's fiancé about the guy who tripped walking off the stage.

Emmett has been preparing for this graduation party for years, literally.

He doesn't disappoint.

But are we really surprised? McCarty has always known how to throw down.

Bella catches me watching her.

She scrunches her nose.

I look down at my graduation present from her, and I see our future.

The watch is nice but the inscription is the best part.

_**you are my world**_

_**Bella**_


	147. EC - a full-fledged adult

**147**

**Edward Cullen/a full-fledged adult**

It's probably no surprise to anyone that I ace the certification course.

It's official.

I'm an ethical hacker working for a company that's going to take me far.

Life becomes a smooth routine as I enter true adulthood.

I wake up next to my beautiful girlfriend every morning.

We dance around each other while we get ready for work.

Sometimes, we meet for lunch in the middle of the day; sometimes, we don't.

I fall into bed every night with her in my arms.

We're brushing our teeth and preparing for bed one night when Bella brings up a touchy subject.

"I think we should try reaching out to your mom."

I spray toothpaste all over the mirror.

"Why would we do that?"

Aside from my graduation and a very painful lunch a couple of weeks later, I haven't had much contact with my mom.

She isn't willing to accept my girlfriend, and I'm not willing to give up Bella.

Ever.


	148. EC - future talk

**148**

**Edward Cullen/future talk**

Bella decides that we should do this on our own turf.

She steals my phone and sends a text inviting my parents over for brunch.

I wake up on Saturday to find her happily slaving away in the kitchen.

"How are you so cheerful about something that will probably end badly?" I wrap my arms around her and steal a sausage.

With my left hand.

Physical therapy is a bitch.

I make it my bitch.

"She's going to have to realize sooner or later that I'm not going anywhere." Bella shrugs. "I'd also like to stick it to her that I haven't drained your bank account in the eight months we've been together. She's missing out on your life, and that just won't do."

"Hmm."

She turns in my arms and points a spatula in my face.

"I'm going to smother our kids so much they'll be beating me off with a bat."

Time has changed Bella.

Now she talks about the future without a second thought.

"I can't wait." I squeeze her tight. "I mean. You know what I mean."


	149. EC - proud that she's proud

**149**

**Edward Cullen/proud that she's proud**

Brunch is just about as awkward as I thought it would be.

Mom's stiff and dismissive to anything Bella related.

I think she's realized that Dad hasn't been golfing every weekend.

He goes to the course every now and then.

He's trying to teach my uncoordinated girlfriend the art of putting balls in holes.

Bella spends the day getting tipsy on mimosas, whining about the sunburn she eventually gets, and making crude jokes that make Dad laugh so hard we get dirty looks from fellow golfers.

"How is work going, Edward?" Mom asks, cutting Bella off mid-sentence.

Bella squeezes my hand and smiles at me.

"Great. I'm working with a team that actually lets me do small tasks instead of observing like the other new hires. I broke into a security system the other day."

Bella snorts.

"He broke into a vault across the country. His boss was really impressed."

What matters the most is that Bella was impressed.

I strive to make her proud, and she's my biggest supporter.

How Mom can't see that is a mystery.


	150. EC - rings and things

**150**

**Edward Cullen/rings and things**

This is painful.

I can feel the disappointment radiating off of my girl.

Dad reaches into his pocket and asks Bella for her hand.

"I saw this the other day and thought of you."

He slips a plastic ring on her pinky, and she snorts.

It's a bubble gum machine ring with a raccoon's face.

"Thanks, Carlisle. I love it."

I sit back and cross my arms.

"What is it with other men giving my girlfriend rings? First Emmett, and now my own father."

Bella giggles.

"I can't help it that I'm so loveable."

I lean in and kiss her cheek.

"Just means I'm going to have a hell of a job topping that when our time comes."

Mom sets her cup down so hard it shatters the plate underneath.

"You plan on marrying her?"

"Here we go," Bella mutters.

"Esme ..." Dad starts.

Mom huffs.

"It's time you got over this. Bella is Edward's future whether you wish to be a part of it or not." He smiles. "I, for one, can't wait to call her my daughter."


	151. BS - are you ready for this?

**151**

**Bella Swan/are you ready for this?**

Hours after a huffing and puffing Esme leaves, followed not so closely by a still chuckling Carlisle, Edward and I are preparing for a night of debauchery.

My BFF is tying the knot tomorrow, but before that, we're taking him out for one last hurrah.

"I can't believe Rosalie agreed to let you wear a tuxedo." Edward laughs.

"I'm a groomsman, so it makes sense." I pull on my boots and stand up. "Do I look like one of the guys?"

"No, and I'm glad you don't, you weirdo."

I pout.

"But I'm going to be the only girl in the middle of a bachelor party. I want to fit in."

"Rosalie offered to let you tag along with her and the girls."

"Psh. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't give Emmett a proper send off the night before his wedding? Besides, I've done most of the planning."

"You're a loser. We're going to be late."

"Let's go get covered in titties and glitter."

"Jesus. Come on, woman."


	152. BS - one of the guys

**152**

**Bella Swan/one of the guys**

Titties.

Everywhere.

All shapes and sizes.

In boyfriend's face, in mine. Definitely in the bachelors.

I should have invited Alice because I know she'd love something like this.

We're all wasted, and I am so glad I left my debit card at home because drunk Bella is a very generous tipper.

I shove a handful of ones in a redhead's G-string and turn to Edward.

"You're enjoying yourself, aren't you?" he asks.

I wanna lick his smirk.

So, I do.

"Who doesn't love boobs?" I laugh. "Wanna get a couple's lap dance?"

He shakes his head.

I called ahead, so the girls have a special surprise planned for Emmett.

They call his name over the loudspeaker, and he skips onto the stage.

I wish I would have brought my phone.

There's no way he's going to remember this.

Half-naked chicks dancing around and gyrating against him to a song about milkshakes.

It's going to take us years to wash off all of the glitter we've accumulated tonight.

Totally worth it.


	153. BS - hairdresser

**153**

**Bella Swan/hairdresser**

You think girls take forever to get ready?

Try putting seven football players in a modest-sized apartment with one bathroom.

Nevermind.

Don't.

It's a fucking nightmare.

I've been fixing hair and adjusting bow ties while a stranger raids my fridge and my boyfriend guards my dolls.

Did I mention that the seven football players are still drunk from the night before?

Because they are.

My house reeks of stale beer and rum, and it's not the latest fragrance from Yankee Candle.

"You doing okay?" I ask Emmett.

He offers me his flask, but I shake my head.

Someone has to be sober for this thing to go as planned.

"I'm great. Can't wait to do this." He points to the right side of his head. "I have a cowlick, so you might need hairspray."

"Try to cool it on the booze, 'kay? Rosalie will kill me if you upchuck at the altar."

Emmett gives me an easy smile.

"She's probably expecting it. She's so awesome. I can't wait to put a baby in her."

"That's what the honeymoon is for." I tap his shoulder. "Next."


	154. BS - chemistry is fun

**154**

**Bella Swan/chemistry is fun**

It's like Dexter's laboratory threw up in a fancy reception hall.

_Rosalie, your nerd is showing_

Beakers and test tubes replace fancy stemware, and there's a legit chemistry lab in the corner where a bartender dressed like a scientist is mixing custom shots in syringes for the guests.

You can barely taste the alcohol.

This is dangerous territory.

This wedding is off the hook.

My best friend hasn't stopped smiling.

Rosalie is so beautiful she makes my eyes hurt.

One of my fellow groomsmen is following me around like a lost puppy, and it's not my boyfriend.

Turns out the owner of the shop that fixed my car happens to also be the father of Jacob Black, wide receiver.

He thinks it's more than a coincidence. It's fate.

I also heard him tell that to a stripper last night while she rubbed her ass in his face.

He's beyond wasted, and his pick-up lines are barely comprehensible.

I try to abandon him at the buffet.

He follows me to the women's bathroom.

_Where is Edward?_


	155. BS - no freaking way

**155**

**Bella Swan/no freaking way**

Edward and I sneak off to decorate Emmett's Hummer before the McCarty's leave for their honeymoon, and he's acting off.

"Drink too much, babe?" I ask and step back.

I drew a dick on the back window.

Are we even surprised?

"No. Why?"

"You're just quiet. Are you not having fun?"

He ties some beer cans to the bumper and stands up.

The world should bow down to Edward Cullen wearing a tuxedo.

I know I want to.

"I'm good. Just nervous about how you're going to react."

I'm confused.

"React to what?"

"Yeah. I already cleared it with the newlyweds, and they're okay with sharing their thunder."

"Thunder?"

Edward reaches into his pocket and gets down on one knee.

_No fucking way!_

"No fucking way." I take a step back.

He nods and opens the box in his hand.

"Marry me, Bella."

I gasp.


	156. EC - pretty fucking nervous

**156**

**Edward Cullen/pretty fucking nervous**

I bought the ring the week after I started working for Hackme Co.

Bella was busy with Alice and couldn't meet for lunch, so I went to a café down the street from the office.

It caught my eye as I walked by because of the way the light bounced off of it.

It's big.

She's going to kill me.

I couldn't help it.

When the sales associate handed it to me, I pictured it on Bella's finger.

I've been carrying it around with me ever since.

It was in my pocket when Dad presented Bella with her raccoon ring yesterday.

I didn't plan on this.

Proposing to her on the day of my best friend's wedding.

Before I've officially met her parents.

While she's wearing a tuxedo, for Christ's sake.

But she's perfect and she's mine.

And I want to make her mine in a permanent way.

"Bella?"

Her eyes dart from the ring to my face and back again.

"That is huge!" She points.

"That's what you thought about my dick and look how much you love it now."


	157. EC - big things - big news

**157**

**Edward Cullen/big things ... big news**

We return to the reception hall a completely different couple.

Rosalie is the first to see us and drags her new husband over.

"Soooo?"

Bella gives a very uncharacteristic squeal and shows off her new jewelry. "I said yes!"

Emmett slaps me on the back, throws my girlfriend—my fiancée—over his shoulder and takes off.

"He let me do the science-themed reception in exchange for a karaoke hour. We're in trouble," Rosalie explains, pulling me in for a big hug. "Congratulations, Edward."

"You too."

She pulls back.

"Who would have thought that a couple of nerds like us would be where we are today? Married and engaged to two incredible people."

I choke back my emotions and open my mouth to reply when the mic gives a screech.

Bella smiles my way.

"I wanted to do the Pokemon theme song, but this dummy doesn't know the words."

I shake my head.

The two idiots on stage dance and sing their way through a song about putting a ring on it while the rest of us laugh our heads off.


	158. EC - announcements and celebrations

**158**

**Edward Cullen/announcements and celebrations**

"Do you think she'll show?" Bella asks.

I sit on the bed and watch her fret over her appearance in front of the mirror.

My girl is nervous.

Our engagement announcements were mailed out before the McCartys returned from their honeymoon.

Her parents arrived yesterday.

Tonight, the Whitlocks are hosting a celebration dinner at Waylon's, the bar where we had our first date.

Everyone who got an announcement is invited.

That includes my mother.

"I don't know. Dad will though."

Bella looks so beautiful.

Her dress is short.

White and lace.

A gift from her mom for the party.

I hope when our time comes that Bella's at least half the mother as Renee Swan.

She pulled me aside this morning and warned me.

"If your mom even looks at my daughter in a negative way tonight, I will not hesitate to show her how fiercely protective I am of Bella."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm serious, Edward. She's my baby girl. I won't have her upset."

I offered to rescind the invitation, but Renee wouldn't hear of it.


	159. EC - loves Aunt Maggie

**159**

**Edward Cullen/loves Aunt Maggie**

There's a screaming match happening in the corner of the bar, and I look around.

Bella and her mom are talking with Jasper on the other side of the room, oblivious to the scene, so I push my way through friends and family.

"You have got to get over this," Aunt Maggie points a finger in my mom's face. "You should be ashamed of yourself. Showing up here so hell-bent on destroying their night."

"It's a mistake," my mom snaps.

"Says you. If you can't look at your son and see the happiness radiating off of him, maybe you should visit Bella's office and get your eyes checked. How you can spend so much time thinking negatively about something so beautiful is beyond me."

"She's just after his money. You'll all realize that when—"

"When they get married without you in attendance? When they start a family and you don't even get notified? I really hope you can pull your head out of your ass before you miss out on this spectacular future these kids are set up for. You need to leave. Now."


	160. EC - rings

**160**

**Edward Cullen/rings**

"Couldn't let me have one day. Had to go and top my raccoon ring," Dad grumbles. "Took me an entire roll of quarters to get the fucker out of that machine."

Dad and Charlie have more than sports in common.

They both enjoy bottom-shelf brandy way too much.

"The moment seemed right."

He smiles and waves at Bella when she catches us watching her from across the room.

"When you know, you know," he says cryptically.

I turn to him, but he shrugs.

"We'll talk about this later. For now, I have a future daughter-in-law I need to go embarrass."

Renee pops by and takes Dad's seat.

"Is it too early to start bugging you about grandchildren?"

"Just a little." I smirk.

She sips her wine.

"Damn, that's what she said."

I snort.

"She's happy."

"I strive to make her that way every minute of every day," I tell her.

Renee sighs.

"I couldn't have picked a better man for my daughter if I tried, Edward Cullen."

"I make no promises, but I'll talk to her about the kid thing."

"Yessssss."


	161. BS - soon to be Mrs Edward Cullen

**161**

**Bella Swan/soon to be Mrs. Edward Cullen**

Planning a wedding is hard.

I'm stuck between wanting the outlandish ceremony Rosalie had to eloping like Alice.

I want it to be special, but it's a fucking headache.

From things as simple as the when to the tiny place cards to tell people where to sit for dinner.

I just want a beautiful day where Edward and I are the center of attention, and at the end of it, my last name will be different.

_Is that too much to ask for?_

Rosalie gets me in touch with her wedding planner friend, and it just makes things worse.

I'm crying over venues and their ridiculous waiting lists when Edward comes home with Aunt Maggie in tow.

"I brought you a present, future Mrs. Cullen. Dry your tears and pour us both a healthy dose of this."

She thrusts an expensive bottle of Scotch in my hands.

I watch Edward install a dartboard.

"What's going on?"

He looks at me over his shoulder.

"We're planning our wedding."


	162. BS - wedding planning with Aunt Maggie

**162**

**Bella Swan/wedding planning with Aunt Maggie**

Aunt Maggie is a genius.

We get drunk on aged Scotch and destroy our front door with darts, but after a few hours, we've made a huge dent in the wedding plans.

We're getting married in Maggie's back yard.

Our colors are Edward's college colors.

People can sit wherever the fuck they want.

Cupcake tiers instead of a giant, gaudy cake.

A catered barbeque buffet from our favorite place.

We'll be barefoot and my dress will be white.

Crisp linen shirts and slacks instead of tuxedos.

Alice will be standing by my side and Emmett at Edward's.

It sounds perfect.

I can't wait.

We won't have to for long. According to the dartboard, we're getting married a week before my birthday.

I help a giggly Maggie get settled in the guest room.

"The bathroom is right next door, and if you need anything, we're at the end of the hall. I'm a light sleeper, so I'll hear you if you call my name."

She grabs my hand.

"You're everything I could ever want for him and then some," she tells me.


	163. BS - dartboard confessional

**163**

**Bella Swan/dartboard confessional**

"Have you decided on a honeymoon destination yet? I can give you the number to the resort Jasper took me to for ours." Alice offers.

I put the pair of glasses I'm working on down in its tray and turn to her.

"I mean this in the nicest way possible. Thanks but no thanks. We're going to Disney."

"So cliche," she mutters.

"Maybe, but I haven't been since they made Harry Potter World a thing and Edward has never been to Florida."

Besides, the dartboard decided and we made a blood oath that there were no do-overs.

"Who's idea was it to have a joint bachelor and bachelorette party?"

The dartboards.

"It was a mutual decision. We're going to have dinner and drinks. No alcohol poisoning or Emmett getting arrested the night before."

"How am I just now realizing that you are entirely vanilla?"

"You were too busy being the freak that you are."

"True. Did I tell you that my husband brought up having a possible threesome with the new quarterback?" she bounces excitedly.

_Ew_

"Why am I not surprised?"


	164. BS - ruff days

**164**

**Bella Swan/ruff days**

"Hi, baby." Edward grins, slamming the door shut with his foot.

I look up from my dolls and give him a smile.

He's carrying a box and my curiosity is peaked.

I love surprises.

"Hi. Whatcha got there?"

"Practice."

The box starts wiggling and I jump up.

"What did you do?"

"I love you."

"Edward Cullen, if you brought a raccoon into my house, I'm going to divorce you before we even get married."

"It's not a raccoon, not really."

He pushes the box into my arms.

I'm terrified to open it, but I hear yipping. I've never been up close to a raccoon, but I can imagine they make more of a hissing sound.

I lift a flap and a furry little creature jumps out at me.

"Oh, my God." I squeal.

It, well, he is so adorable.

"Your mom told me you've always wanted a Husky. I started calling him Smoosh because he likes to cuddle."

And just like that, I'm a dog mom.

To a dog that loosely resembles the one thing that I'm most afraid of.


	165. BS - Smooshy Smoosh Cullen

**165**

**Bella Swan/Smooshy Smoosh Cullen**

"I thought we said no," I grumble, scooching over.

We've had Smoosh for a month now, and it's like he's tripled in size.

"He wouldn't stop howling, and the neighbors have already complained to Eric." Edward climbs into bed and pulls the dog up for snuggles.

He wasn't kidding when he said Smoosh loves to cuddle.

The bigger he grows, the needier he becomes.

A cold, wet nose presses into my collarbone, and I smile.

He likes to touch both of us when we let him in the bed.

Which is every night since Edward brought him home.

Spoiled Smoosh is spoiled.

"I think we need to consider something." Edward yawns into the back of his hand.

"If you say getting him a companion, I'll feed you puppy chow for dinner tomorrow night."

He chuckles.

"No. I think we should consider moving. He's only going to get bigger, and he deserves a big yard to play in."

"That's a lot to deal with. The wedding, dog parenting, and now you want to move?"

Edward nods.

"Fine. We'll start looking."

"Yeah, about that."


	166. EC - wedding GIFT

**My lovely Dee is the only one that called it.**

**166**

**Edward Cullen/wedding GIFT**

I watch Bella walk around what I hope will be our new home.

"Why is she deciding to do this right now?"

Aunt Maggie hobbles into the kitchen.

"Because she fell down the damn stairs and broke her hip. I'm ready to live in a retirement community where nice people come and clean up after me and Pica. This house is far too big for us."

Bella frowns.

"Then stay. I can take care of you. Smoosh loves Pica."

"No. You'll be married, and I am not about to live with two horny jackrabbits. I lived a long and happy life here, and I want to pass it on to you. If not, it'll just rot because I refuse to sell."

"Are you absolutely sure, Mags?"

My aunt nods.

"Consider this your wedding present." She smiles. "And maybe a little push to get you to give me a grand-niece or nephew before I kick the bucket."

"Okay. On one condition."

"Name it."

"You'll come stay with us for major holidays. No exceptions."

"Looks like you got yourself a house, young lady."


	167. EC - surprised

**167**

**Edward Cullen/surprised**

I sit back in my chair.

I don't think I could pick up my jaw off the floor if I tried.

"I just didn't want you to be surprised when it was finalized," Dad says, brushing the side of his scruffy cheek.

I have never seen my father with more than a five o'clock shadow.

When I showed up for lunch, I almost didn't recognize him.

He shaved his head and is growing a beard.

He's wearing a leather vest.

"I tried, Edward. Honestly, I did."

I nod.

"This isn't some midlife crisis or anything. This is me finally being comfortable in my skin after almost thirty years."

My parents are separating.

Dad's already filed the papers, and Mom's scrambling to find a lawyer who will fight the prenup she signed.

I'm getting married in a week, and my parents are splitting up.

I'm in shock, but at the same time, I'm not surprised.

He's been miserable for so long.

I feel guilty because I know I'm one of the reasons he stuck around.

"I'm happy for you, Dad. It's about time you found happiness."


	168. EC - blind as a bat

**168**

**Edward Cullen/blind as a bat**

Rosalie is sitting on my front porch when I get home.

She's rubbing her temples.

"They've been fighting for an hour over the shelves in the doll room, and my head is about to explode." She peers up at me and frowns. "You look like shit."

"My parents are getting a divorce."

"Carlisle finally had enough?"

"How have I been so blind? It's like up until I met Bella, I never realized how miserable he's been for most of my life."

I drop down next to her and put my head in my hands.

Rosalie pats my back.

"You grew up in that life, Edward. It's hard to see something when that's all you're used to."

"I know—"

Something crashes inside the house, and I can hear Smoosh's nails clattering across the hardwood floors.

"That would be the shelf Emmett's been working on since we got here."

Smoosh is hiding underneath the coffee table.

Bella growls.

"You're lucky I didn't let you put one of my dolls on that thing."

"My phone is worth more than ten of those creepy ass things!"


	169. EC - supportive Bella

**169**

**Edward Cullen/supportive Bella**

We save Emmett from a backwoods lobotomy performed by a pissed off Bella and her trusty drill.

Rosalie makes an excuse for them to leave, and Bella runs a bath.

"He told you," she says when we're settled in the bubbles.

Smoosh decides to take a nap by the door so he can guard us.

"You knew?"

Bella bites her lip and climbs onto my lap.

"Don't be mad. I know we don't keep secrets, but he begged me."

"How long have you known?"

"The day before yesterday, Carlisle called me to talk him out of buying a Harley. I met him at the shop." She scratches my scalp. "He took one look at me and just fell apart on the showroom floor."

I squeeze her hips.

"I'm a terrible son."

"No, you aren't. And you aren't the only one feeling guilty. Your dad is sorry that he let it go on for so long. That you grew up in that environment."

"He bought the Harley."

"I know. I got to go with him on the test drive."

"Death wish."

"Nah. Supportive daughter-in-law."


	170. EC - our wedding day

**170**

**Edward Cullen/our wedding day**

"Fuck, Edward. I think Smoosh ate the rings." Emmett grunts.

He falls to the floor and starts searching.

Meanwhile, I'm about to have a fucking heart attack.

"I told you not to tie them onto his collar until you handed him off to Rosalie!"

He holds up the box and grins.

"Just kidding."

I kick him in his ribs, and he crumples.

"I hate you."

Dad chuckles and hands me a glass of something amber-colored.

"He's just trying to get you to loosen up a little, son."

"I am loose. I just want today to go perfectly. She deserves this."

"You both do. And it will."

Charlie knocks on the door.

His face is red and his eyes are puffy.

"Maggie said they'll be ready in five," he croaks.

"Thanks, Charlie."

He nods and starts to leave but stops.

He doesn't say anything but just looks at me instead.

Today's a difficult day for him, but he knows she'll be in good hands.

"I'll take care of her, Charlie. She's my forever."


	171. BS - future fury

**171**

**Bella Cullen/future fury**

My husband is a dead man.

Six months into our happy union and he goes and does this.

"We can't take this back, Edward!"

He tells me to put the knife down, that it isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be.

_The boy is just asking to be murdered today._

"It's a fucking butter knife. I can't believe you went behind my back. We aren't ready for something like this."

"But, Bella."

I shake my head.

"We talked about this. We promised that we wouldn't even broach the subject until after our first anniversary, and you go and trap me like this."

Edward holds the squirming bundle in his arms and frowns.

"I saw her and I just had to have her."

"Good. She can be yours. I want no part of it." I grab my snack. "Smoosh, come, boy."

Edward steps in front of me and lifts the blanket.

And I melt.

"Can we at least name her Esme?"

Edward laughs and places her in my arms.

Smoosh now has a Squash.

These poor dogs.


	172. BC - observant bitches

**172**

**Bella Cullen/observant bitches**

I'm measuring Rosalie's pupillary distance for her new glasses when she mentions it.

"You're boobs look bigger."

Alice scrambles out of her office.

"Finally! I thought it was just me."

I frown and look down at my chest.

"Did you get a new bra or something?" Rose asks.

"No."

Alice reaches out and squeezes my tits together.

"Ow." I slap her hands away.

"Yep, you're definitely half a cup bigger than normal."

Rosalie stands up, and her big belly drops heavily.

Emmett fulfilled his promise and put a baby in her.

Well, I should say babies because Fertile Myrtle carries the gene for multiples.

These poor fetuses.

"You're preg—"

I hold up my hand.

We've only been married for a little over a year and just decided that I would toss my birth control. I thought I would have time to adjust to the idea of being a mom to an actual human and not just two asshole dogs.

_Wrong!_

If I hear my husband gloat about his powerful swimmers one more time, this will be our only child. I can promise you that.


	173. BC - Aunt Bella

**173**

**Bella Cullen/Aunt Bella**

"I can't believe Rosalie convinced him to name all three babies after famous scientists," I whisper.

Alfred, Rosalind, and Nicola are early so they'll spend a little time in the NICU, but damn it, if they don't make me want to meet my baby right now.

She still has to bake for another couple of months, but they're so cute.

Edward wraps his arm around my middle.

"He'd do anything for her, and we all voted."

My idiot best friend wanted to name his children after Alvin and the Chipmunks.

And he thought we would take his side when we brought it to the living room courtroom.

"I want to go see Rosalie before we leave."

I nod and let him pull me away from the big glass window.

"The nursery will still be here when we come to visit tomorrow."

Emmett is on the phone, and Rosalie is scowling at him.

"I lost the majority vote so now my kids are going to spend their youth defending their weird ass names. It's all Rosie's fault."


	174. BC - sensitive stomachs and dirty diaper

**174**

**Bella Cullen/sensitive stomachs and dirty diapers**

I haven't showered in three days, and I just want ten minutes of peace.

The hot water beats down on me, and I try to ignore the deflated balloon that is my postpartum belly as I wash my body.

There's a timid knock on the door.

"Bella!"

I roll my eyes.

And then I hear him start gagging.

"Maggie shit all over me. Please help."

The knocks become more insistent.

I rinse myself off and grab a towel.

I take my time because he can suffer for a minute but not too much time because I don't want to clean up a grown man's vomit on top of an explosive diaper.

My husband can't stomach baby shit.

Or any type of actual shit, for that matter.

Smoosh and Squash are lying on the bed, watching a green Edward dance around when I finally open the door.

He's holding our daughter away from his body like she's radioactive.

"Take it! I mean her!"

He throws the baby at me and steps into the shower fully clothed.


	175. BC - our epilogue

**Well, we all knew this day was coming. If I'm being honest it snuck up on me. **

**thank you, everyone**

**I'll see you down at the bottom**

**175**

**Bella Cullen/our epilogue**

My worst fear is brought to life a week after we decide that Maggie Grace is old enough to walk home from the bus stop by herself.

I'm feeding the baby when she bursts through the door and calls my name.

I drop a handful of peas on the tray and rush to her.

"Look what I found at the bus stop!"

"Put that down! Right now! EDWARD!"

I'm screaming.

I'm hysterical.

Edward fumbles down the stairs, his face covered in shaving cream and a towel hanging haphazardly from his hips.

"She brought a fucking raccoon home. Call nine-one-one! She's going to get rabies. My poor baby." I'm sobbing and trying to figure out how I can karate chop the trash panda out of my daughter's hands without hurting her.

Maggie's upset now and squeezing the thing to her chest.

Meanwhile, my husband is laughing his fucking head off.

"Bella, calm down." He walks over and picks the fuzzball up by the scruff of its neck. "It's a fucking cat."

_Fuck my life._

**For some reason I can't seem to be able to quit these two. I've started a little future something. No promises on how long or short it will be but it is definitely happening. **

**xoxo ashley **


End file.
